Little Dancer

Tonight Ava began learning a special dance she's doing this year. She and one other girl her age are dancing a "quartet" with two of the older girls (our two babysitters, actually). They came up with this idea at the beginning of the year, and Ava has been asking to start practicing ever since. Tonight was finally the night. Because of the schedule, the girls didn't have their practice until 7:15, after Ava had already danced 2 hours in her other classes. I wasn't sure she was going to be mentally up for such a long night.

I am not sure I could have been more wrong. She was so excited there was not a hint of tiredness in her little body. They had their 30-minute rehearsal, at the end of which they had learned about 25 seconds of their routine. I was just so taken aback by how she is growing up so fast and still such a little girl all at once. The concept of the dance is the older girls showing the younger ones how wonderful it is to be young. Ava is so small physically, but could not seem to be growing faster in my eyes. The thing that I am most amazed by is her understanding and appreciation of this special opportunity. She and I have talked about how hard she is working in her regular classes, and behaving at home, and how doing special dances like this are rewards for such hard work. She knows it's not a right or something to be taken for granted. I see a renewed passion for dance in her. It is truly special to watch, and I can't wait to see where the rest of the year takes her.

Valet Service

Today I took my car in for its 30,000 mile tune-up. Considering I'm at about 30,900 miles, I was glad to finally have a free morning to take it in. I did not, however, look forward to sitting and waiting for my car with the wonderful yet impatient Jocelyn and Molly. Enter Sharon, Isaac, and Avery to the rescue! They picked us up from the dealership and took us back to their house, where there was playing for the kids and catching up for the moms. I can't imagine how I would have survived the morning if not for our playtime with the Halls. Well, I won't be quite so overdramatic - we would have survived, but it would not have been nearly as enjoyable.

Girls' Night In

Tonight after dinner Ben had a few errands to run, and took Molly with him. I think he asked Ava and Jocelyn if they wanted to ride along too, but for whatever reason they declined. So while I folded my second load of laundry for the day, they dressed up and put on a circus to entertain me. Then we all headed upstairs to work on cleaning their room while listening to a Christmas music CD they have in their room. I feel I have to preface my next statement by saying I love Molly dearly, and am in no real hurry for her to grow up. However, it was pretty fun hanging out with my older girls. I could leave the room and not worry about them ruining something or hurting themselves. They get along and are old enough to not color on walls or swallow non-edible objects. It was nothing fancy, but all three of us greatly enjoyed our mini girls' night in.

Craft Time

On the last day before Thanksgiving Break, Jocelyn's teacher sent each family home with a construction paper Christmas tree. Our homework was to decorate the tree and return it on Monday so they could begin decorating their classroom with their family-decorated trees. Of course, between being sick and the normal craziness of a holiday weekend, and I completely forgot about it until late Sunday night. So after apologizing to her teacher and promising we would return the tree all decked out tomorrow, Jocelyn and I sat down this afternoon to decorate her tree.

It was a really nice, quiet activity to share with my middle child. She picked out the beads and pom poms and where they should be glued on the tree, and I provided the glue and helped with the sticking things on. The tree turned out very cute, but sharing our little craft time is what I cherish much more. I realized that Jocelyn and I do not get to do very much one-on-one. It was so great to talk to her, listen to what she wanted to share with me. I was sort of glad in the end that we did our tree late - it gave me the chance to enjoy some individual time with one of my three favorite little people in the world.

Jocelyn showing off her finished product 

Welcoming Committee

Molly spends a lot of her day saying good-bye. She wakes up to Daddy already being gone at work. Then she says sees at least one if not both of her sisters leave her to go to school. I think she's reaching a maturity in which she really misses her family members when they are not around. This makes their returns home all that much sweeter. This afternoon Ben and I literally passed each other in the driveway as he was coming home and I was headed out to pick Ava up from her Religious Ed class. As I was leaving I could hear Molly squealing for her Daddy. About 30 minutes later, when I returned home with Ava, Molly ran into the kitchen and yelled, "AVA!!" and ran to give her big sister a hug. I had to then take Molly upstairs to change her diaper, and the child was nothing short of giddy. Finally, she had all of her favorite people under one roof. She played with me and ran to Ben to carry her downstairs for dinner. Days with Molly can often be tough, as I tend to be the whipping boy in the wake of everyone else leaving her. But any and all unpleasant memories fade away at the sound of that little girl's laughter and the look of love she has for all of her family who have finally returned home to her once more.

Trim the Tree

This Thanksgiving break seemed to cycle between crazy days and quiet days. Thursday was jam-packed, Friday we stayed in our pajamas; Saturday was a little fuller, and then today was quiet once again. All three girls slept late this morning, and continued to act fairly mellow throughout the day. By the end of the day I was looking for a nice way to end our weekend, and found the solution in our Christmas tree. I had put up the tree and lights on Saturday, but hadn't put any ornaments up yet. So after dinner we put on some Christmas music and I handed the girls ornaments while Ben helped them find spots to put them on the tree. Even Molly managed to get a few ornaments up. I was disappointed that I was feeling so puny that we didn't get to take out more Christmas decorations this weekend. (It's always been my tradition to bring everything out the weekend after Thanksgiving.) But getting to spend those few minutes with my husband and daughters doing our first holiday decorating was a great end to the weekend.

Picture Day

This morning we took the girls to get their yearly pictures taken. We go every December (or close to it) not because I want Christmas pictures, but because I want to get the girls' pictures taken close to their birthdays, and December is Molly's birthday month and right in between Ava's and Jocelyn's birthdays. So we brace ourselves every year to tackle the holiday portrait crowds and get our own pictures done. We go to a place that has great prices but is known to take FOREVER. So I prepped as best I could, arming myself with books, snacks, and my tablet.

The entire process, door to door, took 2 1/2 hours. We began 30 minutes after our appointment time, had to take a break in the middle of our session to wait for the next portrait room to open up, and took a while to figure out which pictures we needed in which sizes. We had some sticky moments: Jocelyn was literally running in circles throughout the morning, and Molly flipped out when we got into the studio and would only take pictures if sitting on my legs. But it could have been so much worse, and I was really very proud of all three girls. We got some good pictures that show off the balls of sunshine my kids are everyday.

The New Black Friday

Well, it seems the fates have a sick sense of humor and while I felt pretty good all day yesterday, I woke up this morning once again feeling not-so-great. I tried to push through it - we were supposed to start decorating for Christmas after all! But after picking up and vacuuming the living room, it was pretty clear I would be doing little more than lying on the couch.

Once again the girls handled it like rock stars. I fell asleep twice, and other than making lunch I really didn't do much for them. The kids played games, watched some TV, and danced... a lot. I got a short video of my favorite performance of the day. The girls had just finished watching Sofia the First (again), in which there is a scene where Sofia is taught to waltz by her older sister. During the ending credits Ava and Molly were waltzing together, with MOLLY counting out the "one, two, three" (and sometimes four). I am so beyond grateful that my girls can entertain themselves every now and again. I only hope that I don't have to rely on this gift for much longer and get myself on the mend quickly.

Happy Thanksgiving

Today was a spectacular Thanksgiving Day. It started off in what I would say is pretty typical fashion for a family holiday - Ben and I arguing over the cooking and cleaning, the girls choosing ridiculous or inappropriate outfits and then getting bent out of ship when their choices were vetoed, lots of shouting and crying as we rushed to get out the door on time. I mean, what's a family holiday without wanting to wring each others' necks?

the least ridiculous of the wardrobe wars: Molly wearing Ava's cowgirl boots, so big she can barely walk, but she was MAD when I took them off

Once we were out of the house, it was all good. Our first stop was the house of our friends the Carlsons. It was a quick stop over to visit a very special guest - Santa Claus! The Carlsons are friends with a gentleman who works as Santa at one of the local malls, and Katy had suggested we bring the girls over to see him as their Thanksgiving guest for some one-on-one time with Santa. I didn't tell the girls before we got there who we were going to see, only that they had a special visitor. When we walked in and Jocelyn saw Santa, she clutched the top of her head with her hands and squealed as she ran to hug him. It was such an incredible experience. He sat with them, showed them jingle bells from a reindeer's harness, and read The Night Before Christmas to them. Each girl's reaction was fun to watch: Ava had fun but is now older and therefore more reserved; Molly didn't freak out but wasn't comfortable enough to sit on Santa's lap either; Jocelyn is at that perfect age, and was completely captivated by Santa, hanging on his every word. The girls told him what they wanted for Christmas, and he ended our visit by giving each child a business card-type paper that has a Naughty and Nice check box that we leave for Santa with a single cookie (Mrs. Claus has him on a diet these days) on Christmas Eve. It was such a special memory for the girls, and I very much hope this can be a tradition for many years to come.

storytime

Jocelyn was in awe of Santa

Then we headed to our friends the Foleys for a true Thanksgiving feast. There were 8 adults and 9 children ranging from 6 years to 18 months. It was loud, chaotic, and an absolute blast. We were 4 families that came together as 1 to celebrate the holiday. It was the epitome of the phrase "Friends can become the family we choose for ourselves." On a day when we focus on all we are grateful for, my cup overflows. I have been blessed with a husband who loves, supports, and tolerates me; 3 daughters who light up my life; parents, siblings, and extended family who have raised me and molded me into the woman I have become; in-laws who have accepted me into their family and treated me as their own; and so many friends who have become my chosen family. I was so happy to spend this day with my family and friends. They are who get me up in the morning, drive me through the day, and who I thank God for, this Thanksgiving and every day of my life.

Sweet Nurse and Princess Time

I am fighting a virus. Last night I actually felt chills  (I can't remember the last time I had chills) and went to bed before 10pm, which I NEVER do. This morning I woke up feeling marginally better, but after dropping Ava off at school I drove Jocie and Molly home and explained to them that Mommy was not feeling well and would be resting on the couch most of the morning. Jocelyn immediately started playing nursemaid: she brought me down one of her stuffed animals to cuddle with. She asked if I needed water or a snack. Every so often she would come over to the couch, stroke my forehead with her hand, and say, "I'm sorry you're feeling sick, Mommy." She can be my Texas Tornado, but Jocelyn is very much my nurturer, and it sure made me feel special to be getting such sweet attention from her.

Then tonight the girls got treated to a movie night. We laid out blankets and pillows, had popcorn, and watched Sofia the First, the latest Disney princess installment. The girls enjoyed the special treat of staying up late and watching a new movie; I enjoyed a quiet evening with minimal effort. It was a win all-around, a nice end to a decent day.

Peaceful Drive

Today was one of those days when I simply spent way too much time with my children. They were not SO horribly behaved, but by lunch we were just all grating on each other's nerves. We went out to dinner, mainly because that was our plan all along but also because I hoped the change of scenery would snap us all out of our funk. It worked for a while, but toward the end of the evening Jocelyn started to melt down and I ended up taking her an Molly home early while Ben and Ava waited for the check. As we pulled out of our parking spot, both girls were screaming at me, which seemed par for the course today. Jocie asked me to turn on some of their music, and I did because I was to tired to argue.

About 2 miles from the house, after having driven for about 10 minutes, I realized that the music playing was the only sound in the car. Both girls had fallen silent almost the whole way home. Afraid one or both may have fallen asleep, I called back to them to see how they were doing. They both responded. But in the meantime, my shoulders had relaxed and I was not nearly as irritated as I had been all day long. Thanks to things like this blog, I have begun to better appreciate these small moments in my days. It was not life-changing, and the aggravation kicked back up about 15 seconds after walking into the house, but I took a moment to appreciate the peace while it lasted, and remember that even on the craziest of days peaceful moments do in fact exist.

Miss Manners

Naptime can present some very tricky situations. If the perfect conditions are altered or tampered with in any way, the results can be disastrous. This afternoon Molly threw me for a loop by falling asleep in the car after picking Jocelyn up from school, around 12:35pm. She normally doesn't go down until 1pm or so, but when I heard her snoring I was hopeful I could transfer her to her bed to finish up a nice, long nap.

I was wrong. I was halfway up the stairs when I felt her lift her head and start to look around. I did my best to swiftly yet gently walk her into her room and set her back down. It didn't work. She was up and wide awake. After I left her in her crib and closed the door, she cried and screamed at me for about 10 minutes. Then she whined for about 5 more minutes. Then she apparently decided to make the best of her crummy situation, and proceeded to play quietly in her crib with her stuffed animals for the next hour. I of course was still holding out hope that she might fall back asleep.

Around 2:45pm, I hear this sweet little voice come out of Molly's bedroom: "All done, Mommy! Out please?" For several minutes, she proceeded to not yell, but politely inform me she was done sitting in her bed and wished to come out of her room. I was less than thrilled that she napped for a total of 20 minutes today, but it was hard to be mad at such a gentle-voiced and polite little person. And to her credit, she never really melted down the rest of the day. It's nice to know my children are hearing me when I teach them good manners; this is at least some consolation when they are refusing to do what I wish them to - at least they are refusing politely.

Voices of Angels

We go to Mass nearly every Sunday morning. I like starting my week off spending some quiet time with God and my family. As time has gone on, the girls are beginning to understand the service and participate. This morning I heard one of the sweetest things: Ava and Jocelyn were singing many of the responses we sing every week. They are not songs we have taught them, and they only hear them at Mass. I love that the girls are starting to pay attention, and that they want to participate in their churchgoing experience. I cannot think of many sounds that are sweeter than my daughters singing their God's praises.

Roomie Love

Today had many small blessings. Just before dinner, when the girls were getting irritable and impatient from hunger, Jocelyn and Molly found some containers of bubbles and occupied themselves long enough for dinner to finish cooking. Then Ava was feeling puny from having pulled a muscle in her abs, so I got to spend a solid 45 minutes cuddling with her while watching college football on the couch.

The highlight of the day, however, came at the end of the day when I caught up on the phone with my old college roommate Sarah. We lived together 3 out of the 4 years I went to A&M, and share a very special bond. She really is more than a friend to me - she's more like family. We don't have a ton in common, but we spent more hours than I could possibly imagine talking about life and all that it involved. We've shared life's ups and downs, from deaths of loved ones to my engagement and wedding and everything in between. I don't remember the last time we talked before tonight - it's been several months to be sure. Our schedules always seem to clash and we play phone tag for days before actually getting to talk, and usually even those conversations are interrupted by kids or schedules or something. Tonight, the fates were on our side, and we talked for almost 2 hours, getting caught up on each other's lives and talked about everything. Sarah is one of the few people I have known and stayed in touch with for such a long time. She has seen me grow from a scared baby freshman in college to a married mom of three. It stinks that we don't live closer or get to see each other more often, but I am truly thankful to have her in my life, and will take these occasional catch up times and treasure them until we talk again.

Pajama Day

Ava goes to a fantastic elementary school. We knew when we researched the area that the school was great by the numbers - test scores and success rates and all. But there is an intangible spirit that is so special. Yesterday I received an email from Ava's teacher that for no real reason, just for fun, the kindergarten classes were going to come to school dressed in their pajamas. When I told Ava as she was getting her clothes out last night, she could not have been more excited. This morning she not only put on a fresh set of pajamas - Fresh Beat Band concert t-shirt and cotton pants with candies patterned on them - but she had me put her hair in "messy bun" pigtails so she looked like she had just woken up. (She wanted to skip brushing her teeth to give herself a true just-out-of-bed feel, but I managed to discourage that step.) She had a great day, so great Jocelyn seemed to decide that wearing pajamas was the new trend, and as soon as we came home from taking Ava to dance Jocie ran upstairs and changed into her own pajamas. It seemed she and her friend Lillian were thinking alike, as Lillian came over for dinner this evening in her flannel nightgown as well. I have always been a fan of comfort over style, but my children do not often seem to follow such a line of thinking. I enjoyed watching them have so much fun doing something as silly as wearing pajamas during the day. It gives me hope that they will one day embrace my love for comfy sweats and pj's over the more stylish alternatives.

A Kid's Intuition

Jocelyn, Molly, and I went to visit our friend Heather for a few hours this morning. It was going to be a hard day for her because people were coming to pick up all of Everett's medical equipment. I wasn't super worried, but perhaps a little apprehensive about whether the girls - namely Jocie - would really be a help or not. This is Jocelyn's first experience with death, and as is typical of most 3-year-olds I think, she is processing it through talking. Anytime I even mention the Allans, she will say, "Mommy, Everett died." Yes, he did, but we don't really need to remind his mother of that over and over again. And kids are so unpredictable. The last few times we've moved, one of the girls was around 1 year old. She would know that things were changing or not the same, but obviously couldn't fully process what was going on. So they would act up or be clingy or in some way act differently than normal. 

Somehow it seemed this morning the girls instinctively knew to act normally and be themselves. They played with toys, chased around Aubrey, the Allans' new puppy, and LAUGHED. Oh my gosh, how they laughed! At one point Molly and Jocelyn were each belly laughing at some silly game or funny joke. Rather than noticing the sad energy in the room and being weirded out by it, they acted like nothing was amiss. It brought a smile to my face to see my girls handling a new and strange situation so well, and I hope that the sound of their laughter eased the difficulty of Heather's day.

Peek-A-Boo

At the end of each day, as I sit to write this blog, I look back on the day and think of what one (or few) moment stands out that brought a smile to my face. Oftentimes it ends up not being what I expected to write at the beginning of the day. For example, today was Jocelyn's Thanksgiving program at school. It was very sweet, full of prayer, songs, and food to share with family and friends. It was a very nice time. And yet, my blessing I choose to write about today came in a much smaller moment.

I had brought Molly upstairs to change a NASTY diaper. When she was clean and dressed, I sat down in the rocking chair in her room. It sits in a corner, so there is a little space behind the chair that Molly has taken to using as a little hidey-hole. There are a few toys back there, as well as a book or two. Molly crawled back behind the chair, and then stuck her head out to one side and said, "Peek-a-boo Mommy!" I pretended to be startled, which made Molly laugh and dart back behind the chair. Then she poked her head out the other side and did the same thing. She did this a few times, until at one point before she was ready I turned around suddenly and said, "Peek-a-boo Molly!" She shrieked so loudly - it was as if we hadn't been playing this game for 3 minutes already and she was completely taken by surprise. We continued playing peek-a-boo in her room for a good 10 minutes before she ran off to do something else. Amid our crazy days full of disciplining and correcting and arguing, it was nice to have this quiet moment of playtime one-on-one with Molly. It wasn't the flashiest or most elaborate moment of the day, but I am learning that the small moments are just as important to cherish as the big ones, and this is one small moment I was happy to experience today.

Baked with Love

Today's "blessing" disguised itself in a chore I was less than thrilled to do. Tomorrow Jocelyn's preschool is putting on a Thanksgiving program and feast. Each child was asked to provide something for the feast, and Jocie was tasked with bringing 3 dozen sugar cookies. Not a problem... except that I waited until tonight to bake said cookies. I took the WAY easy way out and bought ready-to-bake cookie dough, but it still took a trial batch to figure out how big to make the scoops, how long to cook them, etc. And I was having to do all of this at the end of the night, when all I want to do is sit on my rear end and watch TV. I complained more than once to Ben about this chore I was not happy to be doing. And yet, halfway through I realized that for all my whining, there was no question that I was going to finish baking my 3 dozen cookies. Because Jocelyn is my daughter, and my love for her is so great I am willing to give up my vegging time at the end of the day to make sure she has what she needs for school. My cookie-baking tonight was a labor of love that started off all labor, but ended up being much more about the love I have for my child.

Dad's Day Off

Ben has the day off today in observance of Veterans' Day. The girls still had school, however, so it has been nice for him to get the chance to be a part of our regular routine. He walked Ava to school this morning and played with Molly when we came back from taking Jocelyn to preschool. The best moment of all was when he, Molly and I went to pick Jocie up from school. Ben had walked in ahead of me and was therefore the first person Jocelyn saw in the classroom doorway. I couldn't see her, but I HEARD her shriek. Think the over-crazed tweens who lose their minds at seeing Justin Bieber and you have an idea of Jocelyn's reaction to her Daddy surprising her at school. She RAN into his arms, and he carried her all the way to the car, her arms clung tightly around his neck. I wish I'd had my camera, but I will not soon forget the look of love and jubilation on my middle daughter's face. She loves her Daddy, and her day was made when she was surprised with getting to spend some extra time with him on his day off.

Playtime with the Allans

This afternoon Ben, the girls and I went to bring dinner to the Allans, and stayed to visit for a couple of hours. It was a nice visit - the kids all vanished into the back bedrooms to play dress-up and put together a play that they later performed for us, Ben and Scott played a college football video game, and Heather and I got to sit and talk in relative peace. It seemed a good distraction for their family, and it was a fun time visiting for mine. I certainly wish it were under better circumstances, but I feel very blessed to have the opportunity to spend more time with this great family.

Thanks and Gig 'Em

Well, it's Saturday, which of course means it's Aggie Football Day in the Seward house. And today was definitely a biggie. We played Alabama, ranked #1 in every poll out there. All week I've been hearing old Ags talking about how great we're playing this year and remembering the last time we beat the #1 team in the country, almost 10 years ago to the day. I still remember very vividly that Saturday night when we upset Oklahoma at Kyle Field. I was sitting with Ben in the Aggie Band section, so I was about 2 rows up from the field around the 40- or 45-yard line. The mayhem and celebration at the end of that game is a once-in-a-lifetime memory, and one of my favorite memories from college.

All that being said, I have been tentatively excited but mainly very anxious for this game today. The Aggies have the potential to be a great team, but they have been known to be sprinters and not distance runners, starting the game off great but fading at the end. I was also a little worried about my children, who know that we love our Aggie football but have not seen many games of this importance. Sure enough, there were several attempts to draw attention from the game to themselves, and frustration as Ben and I pretty much told them if they weren't dying it could wait until a commercial break. The last 10 minutes of the game, however, all three girls were in the room with us - Ava sitting in my lap, Molly and Jocelyn taking turns playing on my tablet. When we intercepted that 4th down pass from Alabama's quarterback, Ben jumped up yelling and I started shaking Ava around shrieking. All three kids looked at us and LAUGHED hysterically. They had no idea how to react to their parents acting so nutty, but were all for jumping up and down yelling "Go Aggies!!"

It has been a very long week, full of ups and downs. Tonight was great because my football team won (I'm not even going to trivialize how stoked I still am, hours later). But what made it even greater was sharing this event with my kids. They will almost certainly not remember watching this game tonight, but I hope they learn to love the tradition of watching college football with us on Saturdays. It is fun now that they are growing up and I can start sharing with them things I am passionate about. It will be even more fun as they start to become passionate about the same things - well, a Momma can dream anyway.

Car Bingo

We are in the car a lot on any given day. I spend a lot of time looking at bumper stickers and license plates, trying to decipher shorthand or figure out which breed of dog the driver REALLY loves. Today alone I saw a bumper sticker that read "Sniper - don't bother running, you'll just die tired," a Choose Life-themed license plate that read "PROLIF" (seemed a bit redundant but I admired their convictions), and at least 10 magnets supporting various schools and their affiliated sports.

The best one, however, I saw on my way home from dropping Ava off at dance. It was 4:45pm, and I was already fading. The girls were whining, antagonizing each other, and overall driving me nuts. I was trying to hold it together, only wanting to get home and dump them on their father so I could have a moment of peace. At that very moment I saw a sedan pull in front of me. The license plate read "GIVETHX." I felt the proverbial head-slap from God. Yes I was tired, and yes my kids were driving me crazy, but that does not make my life SO awful. I took my reality check with humility and finished my drive home no less tired but much more graciously.

Daddy's Home!

Ben came home this evening after having been gone a week. The girls and I had a good time, but we were all pretty ready for Ben to return. We picked him up from the metro, and you would have thought he had been gone a month rather than a week. Ava was talking up a storm and Molly was babbling nonsense because she was too excited to form real words. All three girls were saying "Yay Daddy!" in unison. It was cute to see how these little people expressed their excitement at their Daddy coming home. He is very loved, and these kiddos are not about to let him forget that.

Everett Michael Allan

I wrote about Everett passing away last Friday morning. Today I attended his funeral. It has been an emotionally draining day, full of so many thoughts and feelings. It was a difficult time to say the least, and yet it was also so very full of blessing. I share my thoughts here to process and to pay tribute to this incredible life I was blessed to be touched by.

The ceremony was beautiful, but it started off very rough for me. The first song we sang was "On Eagle's Wings." I thought, REALLY?? I have a hard time getting through that song normally, so at that point any hope I had of holding it together pretty well went out the window. There were many tears and sniffles throughout... but several smiles too. The minister was fantastic, reminding us we must celebrate Everett - the full life he had here on Earth and the peace and joy he can now have in heaven. The eulogies were wonderful. Nurses, doctors, and family members shared memories sweet and silly alike. The final planned eulogy was read by Natalie, Everett's 10-year-old big sister. She walked up to the mike and started with, "Just so you all know, sometimes I smile when I get nervous." Then she read a short but glorious tribute to how much she loved her brother and how she will see him again one day in heaven. It was so profound, so BRAVE. She was incredible.

Then the minister invited anyone else to come to the front to share stories they had of Ev. One of his cousins walked up to say something, but when she got up to the podium she froze and didn't want to speak. I had been thinking of this one memory on and off ever since I heard of Everett passing, and I saw this as God nudging me to share it with the Allans. So, slightly shaky, I walked myself to the front and asked this little girl if she wanted to stand with me while I talked, since I was scared too. She didn't, but as I said when I got up there, if Natalie could get up and speak so eloquently, I could certainly try.

The story I shared was this: at every competition and most days of dress rehearsals or recitals, the entire Allan family would be in attendance, including Everett. In a back corner of the auditorium there would be Everett's campout area. He would be out of his wheelchair and lying amid a sea of blankets and pillows. Usually there were at least two of three of our younger kids running around him playing while waiting to go on stage. Last year when my Molly was an infant, I was often back in that same corner, pacing with her to calm her down. I had fun watching both my baby and Everett jump at a loud song or turn their head at a flashing light. It will not seem quite right this year when our little cheerleader isn't lying in the back of every auditorium we perform at. He was a quiet yet constant presence, and he will be very missed.

I also thanked the Allans for sharing their son with us. The minister mentioned something that really struck me today. She was talking about how Heather and Scott never kept Everett locked up or hidden away from the world. They went to the park, took him shopping, and took trips to places like Texas, Florida, and Indiana. I remember sometimes seeing them with Everett and wondering how they managed it. Then I realized, they probably felt the same way I feel when people ask how I do it with three small children. You just DO it, because there's not another option. What kind of life would Ev had if he had never left their apartment? Sure it might have been easier, but a full life is worth the extra trouble.

Everett's journey on earth was very brief. And yet, I can say he touched my life profoundly. Thanks to Everett, I know to live and cherish the present rather than fear the future. I know that a face with glasses and tubes is no less beautiful. I know that quiet strength is the greatest strength of all. And I know that, while we may not always understand it, God has a plan and mission for each of us. Everett fulfilled his mission here on earth. He had a great impact on the many medical personnel who watched Ev defy the odds day after day, week after week. He touched so many girls and young women at the dance studio, who learned to be comfortable around him and love him for who he was. He taught all of us that we can show and know love without ever saying a word. The most amazing part of today's service: after my little 90-second spiel in which I was shaking the entire time, and after almost an hour of nonstop tears and sorrow, I returned to my seat with an indescribable PEACE. I spent the rest of the service in an almost eery calm. I know that Ev was showing off those new angel wings and flying around that church today easing spirits and continuing to spread the joy he blessed us all with his entire life.

Election Day

This morning I got to do the most amazing thing: I voted. I stood in line, was directed to a booth, made my selections, and was on my merry way. The process took 20 minutes total. But I was on such an amazing high the entire time. I smiled and said hello to every person working hard to make the voting process run smoothly. I joked with the people in line around me about spouses canceling out each others' votes and just how many phones calls and pieces of mail we received asking for our vote. Thousands upon thousands of adults picked up and proudly wore their "I Voted" sticker, probably the first non-nametag sticker they've worn in years. As I was leaving I held the door open for those coming in or going out after me, and actually ended up holding the door for almost a minute for 10 or so people. I finally was about to let go and leave when this little old man called out, "I'll give you a quarter if you hold it open for me!" I laughed, told him to keep his quarter, and opened the door one last time so he could go in and cast his vote.

I voted at Ava's elementary school after a conference with her teacher, so I didn't get to bring any of my kids with me. I was pretty bummed I couldn't share this experience with them. As I stood in line, I just thought about how truly blessed we as Americans are. It's no secret this year's campaigns have been ugly and painful to endure. But I have lived my entire life knowing that when I became an adult, I would get to vote for who I wanted to lead my nation. I have never had to fight for this right, or worry that my voice would not count. I have seen and heard many people say they do not plan to vote this year, because no candidates are worth voting for, or they live in a state where they feel their vote will not "matter" because they are in the minority party there.

EVERY. VOTE. COUNTS. I want to scream this at the top of my lungs. Look at the countries who have battled dictators, rebellions, and worse. There are BILLIONS of people on this earth whose opinion will never matter to their leadership, whose voices will never be heard because they are not allowed to express their views. How irresponsible of us to take this right, this PRIVILEGE, for granted. What happens if every other person thinks their voice doesn't matter? How many does it take for one silent voice to grow into a silent nation? I don't care if you're conservative, liberal, loud about your political views or keep them to yourself. We are blessed to live in a place where we can express our opinions freely. To abstain from this is a direct insult to every American who has ever had to fight or been denied this right, as well as an insult to those over the globe fighting for this right today.

What an amazing day! I can look at my three daughters and feel the world is their oyster. They will grow to make their own decisions and choose their own political leaders. I don't know if we will have the same views or make the same choices. But the fact that we all possess that right to choose - the right to vote - is one of the greatest blessings we Americans have been born with. It's not just a cliche. It's not a fad. It is a plea. No matter who you are, no matter what you believe... VOTE.

Jocelyn's First Friend

This morning neither Ava nor Jocelyn had school, so we invited Anna, a girl in Jocie's preschool class this year, over to play for a few hours. The girls had a great time dressing up, playing Barbies and having pretend dance classes. What fascinated me most was how Jocelyn was interacting with her guest. I realized that this is the first little girl Jocie has CHOSEN to be her friend. We have our usual partners in crime Isaac and Lillian, as well as several other little people who Jocelyn likes to play with. But Anna is all hers; of everyone in her class, Jocelyn chose this girl to latch onto and make friends with. They are very different - Anna is much quieter and more reserved to Jocelyn's loud and boisterous personality. But they get along great, and as a mom it is so interesting to watch my child beginning to make friends of her own. Jocelyn is truly growing into her own little person who makes her own choices. I must say that so far she seems to be choosing very wisely, and that makes me very proud indeed.

Fall WAY Back

Today was Daylight Savings Day. For most people it's the best day of the year - we "fall back" and therefore get an extra hour to our day. If you have small children, however, this day feels like a very cruel joke. There was no extra hour of sleep or relaxation for me today; only an extra hour of entertaining (and tolerating) my children. They were up at 6am rather than 7am, and the entire day just seemed to drag.

Because of our off-schedules, the girls and I finished dinner right around 6pm. Ava and Jocelyn asked if we could watch a movie. They don't have school tomorrow, and I wasn't sure how else we would last the final hours of the evening, so I agreed. We watched the Muppets' Treasure Island. The girls took turns sitting with me - Molly for the first half of the movie, Jocelyn for the 3rd quarter, and Ava for the end. Everyone managed to stay relatively calm and not drive each other crazy. After a really long day it was nice to end on a fun and peaceful note. I only hope the girls can manage to "sleep in" a teeny bit longer tomorrow morning...

Circle of Life

It has been hard 36 hours or so for me. I've done a lot of reflecting about how precious life is, how grateful I am for my healthy family, and how much my heart hurts for my friends suffering the loss of their son. But this afternoon I received a nudge of hope from my ever-gracious God. I went to a baby shower for one of the dance teachers at our studio. She teaches Jocie's creative movement class as well as Ava's acro class, and she taught my adult jazz class last year. It was a great evening with many friends playing silly games, oohing and aahing over cute clothes and gifts, and celebrating the parents-to-be and the little boy they will soon be welcoming into the world. It was nice to be laughing and having a good time, and remembering that while life is full of endings, there are just as many beginnings. I am still heartbroken that Everett is gone, but I am also mindful of how he impacted me as a person. Our relationship has ended, as many do for one reason or another in this journey of life. But in a few weeks, I will get to welcome little Jaxon into my heart. The cycle of life means lots of hellos and goodbyes, and while that can be hard our lives would not be complete without each and every person that has touched us, even for the briefest of moments.

A New Angel

Today is All Souls' Day, and in the Catholic Church we remember all those we have lost, the impact they had on our lives, and pray for them and those they left behind. (At least that's how I observe this day.) It only seems appropriate, then, that I take this time to remember a brand new angel in heaven. Everett Allan just turned 5 years old a few weeks ago. He was born with MECP2 duplication syndrome, an incredibly rare genetic disorder. He leaves behind 3 older sisters, one of whom Ava dances with; I have written about his mother Heather once or twice in my blog. This entire family is the embodiment of strength and optimism, and I love and admire them more than I could ever say. While I'm sure no one expected Everett to live a long life, he had been doing relatively well of late, and I don't think anyone saw this coming. Today, on All Souls' Day, I ask you to say a prayer for Ev and his family, and all those dealing with the loss of loved ones. And hug those you love a little tighter tonight - I know I certainly did.

For more information on Everett, please visit http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/everettallan

Clown Car

This afternoon was nothing short of CHAOS. When I went for afternoon pick-up at the elementary school, Jocelyn, Molly and I were joined by Ben, who I was dropping off at the metro a bit later. We picked up Ava, a little girl from Ava's dance studio, and one of our neighbors. Add them all up, and all 7 of my SUV's seats were occupied. Four seats had either car seats or boosters. It was cramped and loud, to say the least. (To be fair, it wasn't THAT cramped - I'm just not used to seeing every seat full without any empty spaces in between.) After we all piled in and buckled up, I drove to the dance studio to drop off Jaelyn. Then we stopped by the metro to leave Ben off. Then I had the pleasure of driving home with the 4 remaining children. The last 2 or 3 miles were filled with the mantra in my head: "I'm almost home. I'm almost home." I have never been so glad to get out of a car in my life. I have a new-found respect for parents of more-than-three. I have no issues being Carpool Lady from time to time, but to have that many children in my car ALWAYS... may have to think twice about that one.

view from my rearview mirror