The Perfect End

Another year comes to a close this evening. We chose to ring out 2012 in a not-so-extravagant way. We ate dinner together, and then Ava picked Charlotte's Web for us to watch together for our movie night. We sat (and occasionally squirmed and fidgeted and played in the background) all together. It was perfect. I've never been a big New Year's celebrator. The few years I did try to go to a party or make a big deal of the new year something went wrong. I also don't feel the need to make a big deal of the beginning of a new year because I try to make each day a new beginning. It's fun thinking back on the last year and all that has happened - new schools, new jobs, countless dance classes and playdates, trips, and more. But it is even more fun to look forward to many more days like today, when I spent a few precious hours with my 4 most favorite people in the entire world. So Happy New Year world, and here's to a terrific 2013.

New Year's Eve, Seward style

Cabin Fever

It seems that, after spending the majority of the week relaxing at home, today my children finally snapped and lost their little minds. They were CRAZY. There were literally times when I would see one of them running in circles for no reason whatsoever. We had a few battles along the way - time outs were given, whining was heard, feet stomped up and down stairs in frustration. After dinner, Ben and I were sitting on the couch just watching the show that was our children's behavior. It was the very definition of chaos: running around, then running into each other, then one child getting upset with another child, then the second child apologizing while giggling uncontrollably, then the first child forgetting what had just happened, and repeat. At first I kept trying to intervene, hoping to prevent the crash and burn that was bound to happen. But then I realized: for as crazy as it all was, the girls were a) burning off a good amount of energy, and b) they were having fun. The noise and manic behavior may have been driving me up the wall, but since the kids were happy I chose to give in to the madness and just sit back and watch. This is a picture I took at one point, but an image I saw countless times during the crazy playing:

Arms and legs flying and tons of squealing... not exactly how I like to end my day. But sometimes it's not about me, and considering by the end of the night we had very little fighting and no trouble falling asleep, I'll sacrifice a little of my sanity to help these girls cope with their cases of cabin fever.

As a bonus, here's a little video as well. Ava wanted to use my camera to take a video (or 4) this afternoon. This is pretty much what all of the videos look like, and provides another glimpse into the craziness that was my daughters today. And yes, that's me completely ignoring them in the background because, really, there was nothing else to do with them at that point.

Growing So Fast

Today I took a few pictures of the girls doing random things here and there, as I do pretty often. But tonight, as I was looking at the pictures I uploaded, I had one of those moments in which I was blown away at how big my daughters have become. They seem to blossom overnight, and I turn around to find not three little girls but three young ladies growing faster than I realize.

First is Jocie's picture. All of a sudden, when she is asked to smile for a picture this is the pose she immediately goes to:

I don't know when the hip started to jut out and she give this sassy little pose, but she consistently is looking like this in most pictures these days. My rambunctious toddler is turning into quite the little diva, a realization that is both funny and frightening all at once.

Then there's this picture of Ava and Molly: these two have been playing together a lot over the last day or two. This evening Ava wanted to show me that she had piled Molly into her rocker with several of her stuffed friends. She then insisted I take a picture of how cute Molly was. As I was about to, Ava covered Molly with the blanket (thus covering the animals, but whatever) and posed next to her. I can't explain exactly what it is, but both girls just look very OLD to me in this picture.

I love these kinds of pictures. While they don't show any big or significant event, they reveal who my children are at this very moment. In the blink of an eye they will have completely changed and grown yet again, so I treasure these snippets of time that just show them for who they are today.

Vacation

Today has really had me stumped. We had a nice day and while I have no real complaints, I also don't really have anything meaningful to write about. We had a playdate in the morning, a nice quiet time in the afternoon, and dinner and playtime with Ben in the evening. I think what I have treasured most about today, and really the past few days, is that I have made a conscious effort to make this holiday break a true vacation. Not the kind of vacation with fun sightseeing or exciting adventures, but a break from the crazy busy lives we normally lead. We have done one small thing each day, and the rest of the time we have just vegged. And I have enjoyed EVERY second of it. I know that this time next week we will already be waist-deep back in the swing of things, with school, dance, and all the other social activities that keep us on our toes. I love our busy lives, but I am also not going to let this time off pass me by without savoring as much of the quiet as I possibly can.

Ladies' Lunch

Today was Day 2 of our winter vacation that I am doing all I can to keep an actual VACATION - meaning no more social engagements than are absolutely necessary. Yesterday we only had the party in the evening, and before that we all were in our pajamas. Today there was only a short dance rehearsal for Ava and three other girls she is doing a special dance with. We got dressed to leave the house, and I had every intention of coming straight back home and returning to my pj's or sweats as quickly as possible.

While we were at the studio both Ava and Jocelyn at separate times asked if we could go to McDonald's. I get asked this countless times in any given week, and 99% of the time I say no, we have food at home. But for some reason today I felt a little tug in my heart to treat my girls. So we left the dance studio and headed toward the Golden Arches. Ava asked if we could eat inside - something we REALLY never do - and I obliged. I wanted to laugh at how ridiculous it is that going and sharing a meal of chicken nuggets and fries could be such a special event to my children. And yet, I was once again reminded that sometimes it's the small things in life. What is not a big deal to me made my daughters' day. Times like today's little lunch are the small memories that I hope my girls will take with them for years to come. For in the end the unhealthy calories will fade, but the stories and laughs shared will last and last.

Adopted Family Christmas

I began my day a little melancholy. I was browsing Facebook and saw several pictures of people's Christmas days, many of which spent with extended family. Included in those were pictures one of my uncles put up of Christmas at my grandma's house. I have only been able to spend Christmas with my extended family twice in my life, but those two years are still very special to me. Several months back, Ben and I had hoped to get out to California again this Christmas, but between the timing and finances it just wasn't in the cards. As much as I knew intellectually we wouldn't make it, it still made my heart hurt a little to be so far away from all of our families this holiday.

Then this afternoon my heart was healed a bit. We went to our friends the Carlsons' house for their Adopted Family Christmas gathering. There was food, gifts, and overall chaos as adults roamed from room to room socializing while children ran in between legs squealing and having a grand time. It reminded me very much of the chaos that comes from the big Christmas dinner at my grandmother's house, which actually brought a smile to my face. I thought that while I still would have loved to spend the holidays with my family who I rarely see and miss greatly, God has blessed me with this family here in Virginia. I am so grateful for Katy and Chris for having welcomed us into their family, and making this year's Christmas just that much more special. We are truly blessed to be so loved and have so much family, blood and adopted, near and far.

Happy Christmas

Today I am thankful for so many things. I am thankful for children who sleep until 7am even on Christmas morning simply because that's what they're told to do. I'm thankful for Santa, Mrs. Claus, and our many family and friends who gave us so many wonderful gifts to unwrap. I am thankful for a quiet day with my husband and daughters spent assembling new toys and exploring all of our new things. I am thankful for the chance to wish our Texas families a Merry Christmas over Skype, and give the girls a chance to see their family even when we're half a country away. I am thankful to have found adopted family here in Virginia that we could share a Christmas dinner with. Most of all, I am thankful for the birth of a baby boy many years ago, who gave me the opportunity to have this day to share with my family and show through gift-giving and time spent together how much we love each other. It was a great day start to finish; I wouldn't change a thing, and can't wait to do it all again next year.

Merry Christmas Eve!

Today was a wonderful Christmas Eve. It was really the first day all Christmas season that we all relaxed and did holiday activities. We were first surprised with the small Christmas miracle of seeing snow fall for the first time this year! There was no where near enough to stick, but considering there had been only rain predicted and no chance of snow my girls were very happy with this surprise and went outside to watch the snow fall for a few minutes. I took Ava and Jocelyn to Christmas Eve Mass this afternoon (Ben stayed with Molly, who had been fighting a weird minor fever so we didn't want to take her out) and considering the chaos and time spent in church at a typical Christmas Eve Mass the girls did very well. Then in the evening Ben and the older two decorated a gingerbread house. A cookie and milk were set out, a note was written, and the girls all went to bed peacefully and excited for the morning to come.

Then it was time for my own personal Christmas Eve tradition: setting out all of the gifts while watching It's a Wonderful Life. I have watched this movie every Christmas Eve that I can remember. It is such a classic, and a great reminder to be thankful for all we have in life rather than wishing for something more. In the end, all the presents and stockings were prepped and set out before the final scene of the movie, which is always my goal. I head to bed now thankful for the birth of Jesus and this holiday that I get to share with my children again tomorrow.

Ava pretending to make a snow angel

Jocie posing in the snow

decorating our gingerbread house

Molly and I watching some Christmas Eve TV

Santa's corner

our Christmas tree with presents out

All Wrapped Up

I finished my present wrapping this evening. To better explain, I should start by saying I wrapped my first present two nights ago. We don't have a TON of presents - I try very hard not to go overboard on junk for the kids (or Ben or I for that matter). But between what we give each other and the presents Santa needs to have wrapped, I had a bit of work to do. Tonight, I got the last few done. Well, there is one that hasn't been wrapped yet, but I thought Jocelyn should help me wrap the gift she picked out for Ava. But it's nice to have that somewhat tedious aspect of Christmas out of the way. Now I can just sit back, relax, and wait to put them all under the tree tomorrow night for the girls to discover on Tuesday morning.

The End of the Parties

We hosted our third and final party in a week's time. After our dance friends party last Saturday and our little gathering for Molly on Tuesday, this afternoon we had one more dance-related party for the group of girls Ava dances with every week. The dance company's official party this year was at a laser tag place, and most of our girls are not old enough or brave enough that they wanted to go, so we just decided to have a little open house deal here at our home. Only 4 other families ended up coming, but it was really nice. The girls ran around squealing, played school, doctor, and all manner of other things. The parents got to get to know each other better and share some time outside of the dance studio lobby, which is always nice. In the end, I think it was a success.

It the end it was also a VERY long week. By mid-afternoon today Jocelyn looked like she had been in a prize-fight, she had such dark circles under her eyes. As soon as the last of our guests left at 6:45pm, the girls headed straight for the bathtub. Ben wanted to treat the girls to a movie, so we picked a nice short Grinch feature. Ava fell asleep before it was even over, and all three girls were in their beds and passed out by 7:45pm. I don't blame them. I love the holidays and all the festivities that go along with them, but sometimes an early night is in order. I am following suit and going to bed before 9pm. After all, we've got to rest up for the fun that actually comes on Christmas!

A Mother's Love

Today Ava had a holiday party at her school. This is the second or third party her class has had, and each time there are parent volunteers who come in and run the crafts, games, and other activities. About a month ago Ava asked me if I could come help at the upcoming Christmas party. I've always struggled with the logistics, since the party's run from 2-3pm, which is prime naptime. But when I saw how important it was to Ava that I come, I told her I would volunteer and would just figure out the details later.

Fast forward to today: there was no great plan. I just braced myself for a rough day, kept Jocelyn and Molly awake, and headed to the school just before 2pm. It may have been one of the dumbest things I've ever done. I didn't feel like I was much help - I didn't know what was going on and all the other parents at least seemed in on the plan, so I helped "man" the snack table. Meanwhile, Jocelyn was constantly trying to do the activities, some of which was okay but she was NOT happy when she was turned away, and Molly thought it would be fun to take out boxes of blocks, gears, or my personal favorite marbles and DUMP the entire contents onto the floor. I spent more time wrangling the two of them than I did helping any of the kindergarteners. Add to that I am finally getting over this second round of sickness but every I cough I feel like my ribcage is going to rip out of my chest, and the hour was little short of misery from start to finish. Then I had parked at the back of the school, which meant I walked a good quarter of a mile outside from the school to my car - I was literally gasping for breath by the end.

And yet... the whole rest of the day Ava could talk about nothing else than how excited she was that I got to come to her party. While I was there she talked to me only once or twice, but that was the only detail she told her Daddy when he asked about her party: Mommy got to be there. And that's why I did it. I knew for as awful as it could and would be, it meant the world to my daughter that I be there so darn it that's what I was going to do. I'll be perfectly honest, I'm not sure I'll make those extreme sacrifices again anytime soon, but for today it was completely worth it.

Best Hubby of the Year

Today I feel truly blessed that on days when I'm feeling lousy my husband comes in and takes over the kids without hesitation. He has had a long day at work, too, but he doesn't complain picking up my slack. For this I am beyond grateful. Now I head off to bed, as I am done for today.

Fairytale Central

In a true state of irony, God gave my tomboy-self 3 girly-girls for daughters. For years princesses and fairies have been found seeping out of every nook and cranny of our house. This morning I found Molly playing with one of our many sets of Disney Princesses, and noticed an extra character had been added:

It seems our Nativity Mary had been promoted to Princess :)

Then this afternoon Ava got to talk to her Fairy Godmother, Miss Sarah. Most kids only have godmothers, but not Ava! She loves her Fairy Godmother, and was so very excited to get to talk to her.

Finally, we almost got a break from the fairytale extravaganza with Molly opening her birthday gifts. Every gift she opened was the best one yet - she immediately wanted to play with that toy and had to be convinced to open her other gifts. (Her sisters were getting very frustrated that she wouldn't open her gifts faster.) She had 5 gifts, and only 2 were princess-related - not bad! She loves them all, and will have so much fun playing with them.

pulling out our family's first Mr. Potato Head

a 7-pack of Little People princesses!

happy girl :)

she was a big fan of ripping the wrapping paper - even more excited to find her very own laptop!

one of her favorite characters ever, Squacky from Pajanimals

cheese for princess play-doh!

Molly Jean

Today my "baby" turned 2 years old. It is unbelievable that two years have flown by since we welcomed our third daughter into the world.

Molly came into the world the perfect third child. Her due date was originally December 26th, and I spent months stressing about having a baby on Christmas with no immediate family close by. I feared the traumatic experience Ava and Jocelyn would have by spending Christmas with some random friend or neighbor while their new baby sister ruined their holiday. As it got closer to her due date, I even realized that the inconvenience wasn't isolated to Christmas itself. Ava had school and dance class, and I didn't want her to miss any of it for fear that missing a Christmas party of some sort would make my 4-year-old resent her sister forever. (In hindsight I know how ridiculous this is, but I was pregnant, and those hormones really do make you nutty.) So I spent my last month of pregnancy telling Molly she had a week window: Ava's last day of school and dance was Friday, December 17th. She needed to wait until after that but before Christmas to be born. As it turned out, I labored most of the day that Friday, having contractions sporadically in the morning and a little more often in the evening. Ava had her fun at school and dance, but as we drove home from the dance studio that night I really had to concentrate through a few contractions, and told Ben when we got home I probably didn't need to be driving anymore. (Oh to have a picture of his face when I said that...) We fed the girls dinner and put them to bed, and about an hour later I thought we should probably head to the hospital. We checked in at 10pm, and at 2:17am December 18th Molly Jean made her grand entrance. She had waited just as long as I had needed her to for me to fully focus on her and cherish the experience of welcoming her into the world.

Now, at 2, she is still very much that accommodating 3rd child. She is forever being dragged to school drop offs and pick ups, dance classes, and other functions for her siblings or parents. And as long as she has her snack cup full of goldfish you won't hear a peep of complaint out of her. She is very patient, for she knows that eventually her turn will come and she will get the attention and love that everyone around her receives as well. She is a very content child - always smiling, laughing, and playing games. She is not a morning person, however; it takes a good hour or two for her shining personality to take over the grump that emerges from her bed every morning. She has the ability to get plenty loud, but for the most part is the most soft spoken of my daughters. She adores her sisters. There was a time a few months back when she would poke at them and get under their skin at any given opportunity. I think she just wanted to get their attention and be included in all their fun. Now it seems she knows she can be a part of the fun just by playing along, and picks fights much less (much to her parents' relief). She is a lover - she randomly runs up to family and friends alike and gives great big hugs for no real reason. She is obsessed with shoes, and is rarely without someone else's shoes on. Her current fetish is her sisters' boots, probably because even though they are ginormous they stay on her feet. Her hair is WAY longer than either of her sisters' were at this age, and she loves sporting her "piggies." She almost always has at least one baby doll in her hand, and is starting to play pretend with our princess dolls and Little People figurines. She is a terrific eater, will try just about anything that's put in front of her, and especially loves her some broccoli (Ben beams every time he sees her eating her veggies).

Each of my children holds a special place in my heart for different reasons. Molly is truly God's gift to me. When I was first pregnant with her, I didn't feel ready to have another baby. She wasn't a part of my timeline. I spent months struggling with and finally accepting that it's not me but God who is in control. And two years later, I cannot imagine a more perfect fit to our family. Molly came to be in our family at just the perfect time, and while I couldn't see it at first, my faith in God brought me around to cherishing this precious gift he gave me. Two years seem to have past in the blink of an eye. Happy Birthday Molly Jean, and here's to celebrating many many more birthdays to come.

playing dress up this morning while I stuffed folders in Ava's classroom

licking her dinner bowl clean

VERY excited to have everyone singing to her

an ENTIRE piece of cake shoved in her mouth - Happy Birthday to her :)

Silent Night (or Afternoon)

Today was a crazy day. It was Jocelyn's last day of preschool before winter break, so I spent the morning scrambling around trying to do as much of the shopping I can't do with her there as possible. By the time we had picked her up, Molly decided she couldn't stay awake another minute, and despite me tickling her bare feet she passed out on the car ride home. I put her in bed, and turned on A Charlie Brown Christmas for Jocelyn to watch during her quiet time. I heard it end, but Jocelyn didn't come up the stairs. I peeked down to the basement to find her fast asleep on the couch. Both girls slept for a solid TWO HOURS. Ava was playing down the street at my neighbor's house, so for that entire time there was literally not a sound to be heard in my house. I checked and wrote emails and completed about 3/4 of my Christmas cards. I can every now and then get that kind of silent house at the end of the day, but never in the middle. It was incredibly peaceful, knowing my babies were sleeping soundly while I was quietly being productive. It was a very unexpected and wonderful few hours in the middle of an otherwise hectic day.

More Little Girl Fun

Today was another day when I was lucky enough to share a special moment with not one, not two, but all three of my daughters. First was Ava, who helped me make the gifts we are giving out to all of the girls' teachers this year. They are pretzels with a Rolo slightly melted on top and an M&M stuck to the top of that. They are pretty simple to make, and Ava was a great help making them. She was so proud that she would be able to tell all of her teachers that she helped make their Christmas gifts. I was proud she wants to take ownership in these kinds of activities now, and happy to have shared the time with her.

This afternoon during quiet time Jocelyn chose to watch a Baby Einstein-type movie, that only runs about 30 minutes and plays classical music while random images pop up on the screen. When it was over she came upstairs, and I very quickly told her that quiet time was in fact not over yet. She asked if she could snuggle with me, and I told her I was watching grown-up TV but she was more than welcome to keep me company. She climbed onto the couch and settled in. About 10 minutes later, I felt her twitch slightly. I looked down to find her snoring and asleep on me. Most of the time getting her to nap is like pulling teeth, and she certainly doesn't want to be lying on me when she does it. It was a very nice 45 minutes that I very much savored.

And finally this evening there was Molly... all of a sudden over the past few weeks she has really gotten into make-believe play with dolls. We have a Little People nativity set, and every day she is taking the characters down and playing with them. The last few days she has decided that the best way for them to travel is inside shoes. She will line them up inside someone's shoe (usually hers or Ava's) and scoot them all over the floor. It is innovative and silly all at the same time. I sat on the couch for a good 10 minutes, just watching her talking to these toys and transporting them where they clearly needed to go. Watching her discover the world around her makes me smile and look forward to all the days of discovery and fun yet to come.

Dance Family Party

Tonight we finally kicked off our holiday party season! Because of timing and other obligations, we missed both Ben's work and Navy Reserve holiday parties, as well as the official Dance Company holiday party. Last year we opened our house to several of the dance families for a little Christmas fun, and this year we decided to do the same thing. It was a blast. We hovered in the kitchen, picking at the many delicious dishes people had brought to share. The kids were running around playing and doing who-knows-what while all the adults sat chatting, first together and then separately as the men escaped to the basement while the women sat in the comfort of the living room. I have said many times how blessed I feel to have found this studio, where it's not just Ava's whose found friends but our entire family. After only two years this has become a tradition that I look forward to, and hope to carry on for many years to come.

A group picture of the kids, as taken by Ava

Hugs

Ben has been gone for the last week and came home about mid-morning. He gave us all hugs, got changed, and turned on CNN to catch up on some news while he ate some breakfast. He saw a headline that spoke of a shooting in Connecticut. I scolded him and told him to turn off the news and spend some time with his daughters who he hadn't seen in days rather than depress himself with the news.

Only later would I realize the nature of the tragedy I had asked Ben to turn away from. Even now, hours later, I get a knot in my stomach thinking of what happened and am at a complete loss for words. What I can say is that I was once again reminded to take time out of my busy day to appreciate my children and the precious moments I am blessed to share with them. I snuggled with Jocelyn this afternoon while she watched a movie during her quiet time. Originally I had planned to go run errands during this time, since Ben could stay home with the girls. But when she cuddled up with me, I knew that any errands could wait, and I needed to cherish this time with my middle child. At the end of her dance night, I got to watch Ava perform one of the routines she's learning. It is sort of a lyrical-style piece, and I was able to see such emotion and maturity in my "little girl;" it blew me away how she's growing. Then when it was bedtime, I had planned to skip baths but Molly was asking to take a shower, so I spent 10 minutes in the bathroom with her while she ran in and out of the water stream, squealing and laughing all the while.

I don't know what I would do without each one of these precious children. My heart breaks for all the mothers and fathers who suddenly cannot yell at their child for misbehaving, nag them to finish their food, or kiss their son or daughter good-night. I find with myself there is a small grey area between pretending something didn't happen and becoming paralyzed with fear of what could happen. I have no explanation other than the grace of God that such a tragic event did not happen at Ava's school. I think this has hit especially close to home for me because she is in Kindergarten just like all those children who were so senselessly killed. It would be so easy for me to go down that slippery slope of what-ifs that would make me never want to leave my kids again. But this afternoon when I picked Ava up from school, I was watching her play on the playground with some of her classmates, completely oblivious to the evil in the world, and thought I will not let that evil win. I will not live my life terrified of what MIGHT happen. I owe it to my children to love them and protect them as much as I can, but at the same time let them LIVE their lives. Bad things will happen, but in the end all I can do is pray to God: prayers of healing for all the hurting families and prayers of thanksgiving for the blessings I have every single day. I hugged and kissed my kids a little longer tonight, as I'm sure many parents did, and say so many prayers for those grieving families who tonight are not as fortunate.

An Unexpected Guest

Thursdays are typically our quiet days. There are no dance classes, school commitments, or other obligations that take us away from our house. It is a day to relax, recover somewhat from the week we've had, and gather some energy before the weekend ahead. Tonight, we celebrated our Thursday by having a "picnic" dinner in the living room. Jocelyn had been feeling under the weather most of the day and wanted to stay on the couch, so it just sounded like fun for all of us to have dinner together.

Ava and Molly on the picnic blanket (aka beach towel)

Jocie from her perch on the couch

As if this wasn't enough fun, one of the girls suggested we watch a movie. It was only 6pm, so I gave the girls an early bath, and we all changed into pajamas so the girls could watch their movie before bedtime while I got some chores done in comfort.

It was in the middle of folding laundry and talking to my mom on the phone that I heard my doorbell. I thought, Of course someone would come knocking on my door when I have my pj's on at 7pm, why not? So I headed to the door to find our old realtor and friend Trey standing on my doorstep. I don't know that we've actually seen Trey since we closed on our house last year. I've spoken to him on occasion, but the minute I saw he was standing there I got off the phone and gave him a huge hug. Trey was such a big part in one of the most exciting and important times in our lives - buying our first house - that it was weird seeing him so often and then not at all. That's the way it works with realty of course, but to see him tonight was such a treat. He was delivering Christmas goodies, and we got to chat for just a minute or two, but it was a great surprise on an otherwise quiet night. And while I'm still slightly mortified to have been seen in my old college t-shirt and plaid pj pants, I'll take that bad with the good of catching up with an old friend.

Singing Angel

Today was the Christmas program at Jocelyn's preschool. It is a very simple program - the 2- and 3-year-olds stand in the back with silver pipe cleaner halos on as the 4-year-olds act out the Nativity story, then everyone sings a few Christmas carols. While it may not be elaborate, there is such a sweetness in those little faces as they sing the sweet songs of Christ's birth. Jocelyn was so proud of herself, waving wildly at me, Molly, and miss Katy. After the singing but before the children were dismissed, the church's pastor came up and spoke to the kids, and concluded with a prayer. He asked the kids to fold their hands, close their eyes, and repeat after him. I cheated and kept my eyes open, watching Jocie with her shut eyes and folded hands saying the prayer perfectly after the pastor. What a blessing to have her school teaching her not just how to learn but how to pray. As I sat there I also realized this would be the last program I would be watching with a child still with me; next year Molly will be at the school and up on that stage as well. I am so grateful we have found this wonderful preschool that is instilling in my children a firm Christian foundation.

getting ready to sing (she's on the top, second from the left)

my singing angel, getting a snack after a job well done

Refocus

This morning I finally started tackling my Christmas card list. Most years I find or take some cute holiday pictures of my kids, compose a quirky note, and print off photo cards to send to the many family and friends all over who we may not get to see often but catch up with each holiday season. This year has been a little different: thanks to a glitch at the place we had the girls' photos taken a few weeks ago we ended up with double our original order. Since we will never need this many pictures I decided to buy regular cards and insert the pictures we already have.

This all seemed good in theory, but it has put me in somewhat of a Christmas card funk. No matter how hard I tried, the letter I wrote to put in the cards was dull, and my heart was not in any of the cards I put together. Finally after about 10 or so I stopped altogether. I don't know what it is, if the cards aren't personal enough, festive enough, or what, but it seems my slump is not just pertaining to cards either. I have several gifts yet to purchase, preparations to be made for parties... and I'm not especially excited about any of it.

I had an epiphany a few hours ago: I remember scoffing at all of the people who race around Black Friday weekend to get all of their shopping done, or those who do Christmas shopping months in advance. But now I see the beauty of such an idea: if I get all of the shopping and prepping done and out of the way, I can once again refocus my energies on the real spirit of Christmas: celebrating Christ's birth and sharing that joy with my loved ones. Unfortunately, it's not feasible to just go get all of my shopping done at once (I do have a kid or two or three with me at all times). But I am getting myself organized to have it all done by this weekend. Then I can stop stressing about the unimportant aspects of the season and start enjoying what really matters. Before bedtime this evening, the girls asked me to push the button on one of our ornaments. We have a Charlie Brown Christmas ornament that is Linus on stage, and when the button is pushed he recites the part from the movie with the Nativity story, ending with "That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown." I don't know why, but every time we listen to that ornament play, Molly comes over to me and holds my hand. Sharing moments like that with my family - that is most certainly what Christmas should be all about.

Firefighter Santa

Each year, our community fire department takes an engine out with a Santa Claus riding on top and drives through various neighborhoods for the kids to see Santa on the fire truck with the lights going and siren blaring. We just happened upon it last year when we heard these loud sirens and looked outside to see the truck driving by. This year I learned ahead of time that they were driving around our neighborhood this evening. They started their rounds at 6pm, but there was no way of knowing exactly when they would drive by. I was holding off all bedtime preparations so the girls wouldn't miss anything, but by 7:45pm I was about to give up and head upstairs.

It was of course at that very moment that I heard the sirens. I had the girls throw on their boots and we headed outside to wait for the engine to come by. Ava remembered this from last year, and Jocelyn is over-the-moon excited for anything to do with Santa, so they were squealing and jumping around in anticipation. Molly was of course fun to watch for a totally different reason. She was not so sure of the loud noises coming out of the fire truck, so she wanted to either be held or leaning on my legs at all times. But when we saw the engine come down our street I asked her who she saw. She immediately said, "Santa." I said, "Let's wave hi to Santa!" And she did, very timidly but in complete awe and wonder at what was happening. We live on a cul-de-sac, so we had the chance to see Santa both on the way down the street and back up, and Molly did not take her eyes off of that fire truck for a SINGLE moment. It was so fun to watch her taking it all in. It's great to see the older ones go nuts and get so excited for such special events, but it was just as incredible watching Molly taking in this once-a-year treat and quietly savoring every second.

Ballerinas

This evening one of the cable channels aired the San Francisco Ballet's version of Nutcracker, and I turned it on for the girls. It's probably one of my favorite versions of the ballet. The girls watched it for a little while, but decided they were more interested in putting on their own ballet. So at the end of the night I sat down on the couch next to various dolls and stuffed animals as Jocelyn played Clara and Ava played every other part possible in their own version of the Nutcracker. It was sweet and charming, as all of their performances usually are. What was equally cute was when Ava and Jocie had completed their ballet and went upstairs to find a book to read before bedtime, Molly got up onto the "stage," twirled around in her flannel nightgown, and kept repeating "practice me! Practice me!" She can't wait to be like her big sisters... and I can't wait to see her performing alongside them in their elaborate productions.

For the Love of Football

Today was amazing, from start to finish. I began my day as I had not in over two weeks: having slept through the entire night without a single coughing fit. I woke up refreshed and feeling so thankful that I am finally on the other side of this silly illness. I felt like God gave me a couple extra days of feeling crummy to make sure I had really learned my lesson before saying poof-be-gone to this darned bronchitis. And while it is much harder to keep taking it easy as I start to feel better, I am determined to learn from my past negligent behavior and take care of myself as a way of giving thanks for the health I am gifted with everyday.

Fast forward to the end of the day... it's 8pm, I have just put the girls down to bed, and I am settling in for one of the most stressful hours I have experienced in a long time: the Heisman trophy ceremony. At the beginning of this football season, my hope for my Texas A&M Aggies was to go 6-6 in their first season in the SEC. Now, tonight, I was nervously twitching on my couch as I watched our own Aggie quarterback Johnny Manziel, who led the team to a 10-2 season, being introduced first as a Heisman finalist, and ultimately as the first freshman to ever win this prestigious award. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine this for my alma mater - we are typically a football program with all kinds of potential but can never deliver the final punch. To have seen this level of success for my school makes me prouder than I can imagine, and was truly a high point to my day.

The other high point, however, came in an unexpected way. Another of the Heisman finalists was a linebacker from Notre Dame. Our good friends Amanda and Logan Foley both graduated from Notre Dame, and we actually had dinner at their house tonight. Logan and I joked that this may not have been the best night for us to be hanging out together, and we left with plenty of time to spare before the ceremony aired. But during the ceremony I got to thinking about my relationship with the Foleys and Logan in particular. To tell the truth (and I don't even know if I've ever said this to them), I've never been a huge Notre Dame fan. I've always tended to be annoyed by what I consider to be "bandwagon teams" like Notre Dame, Ohio State, and Texas, who seem to have a fan base full of people who have no real affiliation with the school, they just like programs with lots of success and tradition to root for and so they pick one of these prominent schools. A&M is very much not a bandwagon school, and almost ensures this with their "from the inside you can't explain it and from the outside you can't understand it" attitude. I've known plenty of people who cheer on the Fighting Irish, but don't really have a reason for doing so. Then I met Logan. He may in fact be one of the most hard-core fans I've ever met, for any team anywhere. He lives for Irish football, and this season I have enjoyed watching him stress out, at times doubt, and ultimately jump for joy at the success his team has seen. He has shown me that even if Notre Dame may still be a bandwagon team, they do in fact have true fans as well, who have watched every loss as well as every win. Tonight as I was watching the Heisman ceremony, I was of course hoping my Aggie would win, but at the same time knew I would be almost as happy if Te'o had won, because that would have made my friends happy, and that would have been a good thing as well. I am thankful that Logan and I have bonded over our (at times obsessive) love for football - and hope that we do not find ourselves on opposite sides of the field too often.

Humbled

Every now and then I have a day when the goodness of humanity shines through in abundance. Today was one of those days. I started off my morning as I have most every morning for the last two weeks: sleep-deprived and depressed from the amount of coughing I'd done the night before. Seeing as this is my third day on antibiotics, I thought I should probably be feeling substantially better by now. I wanted to rule out the emergence of pneumonia, especially before the weekend came around and it would be harder to see the doctor.

So I did what I often do when faced with a dilemma - I posed the question to the world on Facebook. Should I go back to the doctor yet, or could the meds still be getting around to working? I had originally asked the question in hopes that one of my many friends in the medical profession might have some insight. But what I was most touched by was the number of people who have little or no knowledge of the medical field, but were sharing personal stories, offering advice, and wishing me well. It may not seem like much, but each of those people took the time to read what I had written and write a response of their own. I truly valued each person's input and felt blessed to have so many people sending me healing thoughts.

Once I had made the decision to go in for a follow up I called my mom to talk through the whole thing with her. Minutes after, I got a call from my dad, trying to figure out logistics if he needed to come out and help me out while I was recuperating. (In the end I decided I didn't need the extra help, since it seems it's not pneumonia but just severe bronchitis, but I was so grateful for my dad's offer to drop everything to come help me out.)

Later in the day I received a phone call from a friend offering to take my kids for a few hours if I needed a break or to get something done childless. She has two young children of her own and in no way needs the added stress of handling my gang, but she offered without hesitation. Then when I decided, against my better judgment, to go get my chest x-ray with all 3 girls in tow, the staff at the radiology office were not only sweet and friendly to my daughters, but even gave them certificates for being "good patients" that get them free tokens to Chuck E Cheese. They could have easily acted put out that I had my whole crew with me, but they were instead very gracious and made the entire process smooth and positive for all of us.

Now, at the end of the day, I'd be lying if I said I'm feeling much better physically. My body is being stubborn, or maybe punishing me for taking so long to get the help I really needed, and I am healing slowly. But I was so blown away by all the acts of kindness bestowed upon me today. My emotional cup is overflowing, and that alone makes for a pretty fantastic day.

A Good Example

This afternoon when we were driving home from school, Ava mentioned that her head was hurting a little and she wanted to close her eyes. Okay, no problem. But once we got home, she was in tears from whatever discomfort she was in. I told her to go up to her room, lie down, and get some rest. She did without complaint. She spent much of the rest of the evening in her room, napping or lying quietly in her bed. Only once did she complain a little of wanting to be watching TV or playing with her sisters. She was listening to her body, knew she needed to extra rest, and did what she needed to in order to feel better. I am blown away by what a good patient she was - not to mention a little embarrassed that my 6-year-old is better at taking care of herself than I seem to be. She may be much younger, but there is still quite a bit I can learn from my daughter, if I only open myself to being taught.

The Wonders of Medicine

I have been sick for about two weeks now. It was not fun at first, but then seemed to be getting better on its own, so I chalked it up to a typical virus and waited for it to run its course. This weekend, however, I seemed to have a setback and was coughing as much as ever. Yesterday I finally broke down and decided I was so sick of being sick that I would go to the doctor. I don't remember the last time I went to the doctor for being sick. I don't even have a general practitioner I've seen before - I only have an OB - but with the help of Tricare I found an urgent care center by Jocie's preschool and headed there after having dropped her off.

Turns out I have severe bronchitis at the least. The doctor said he hopes it's not pneumonia and is going to try to treat it as bronchitis first. I was given a nebulizer treatment and sent home with three prescriptions to get filled. I had never had a nebulizer treatment before, and was shaking like a leaf when it was all said and done. (Apparently this is fairly typical, I just wish someone had prepared me for that before I got the treatment.) Then I took my "non-drowsy" decongestant, which is not so non-drowsy, so the rest of the day I was semi-comatose and jittery all at the same time. It was not fun, but it sure beat coughing so much my chest muscles hurt. I am a pretty healthy person, and when I do get sick I can usually kick it on my own. But today I am grateful for doctors who can give my body the extra help it needs to get better and return to my crazy life at full strength.

Sing-a-long

As she develops in her language skills, Molly has been learning to sing songs. I have been trying to get this child to sing her favorites - Twinkle Twinkle and Itsy Bitsy Spider - for me to record for weeks. Finally today she sat and performed for me. Here is a taste of the cuteness I'm blessed to hang out with on a daily basis - enjoy.

Itsy Bitsy Spider - she usually sings much more clearly, but was a little distracted at the time and again, I had to take what I could get

Twinkle Twinkle - this one was a little clearer

Snuggle Bugs

I am not much of a touchy-feely person. I'm not a hugger or someone who needs physical signs of affection often. So it has not come as a great surprise that my children do not often cuddle with me. They give me plenty of hugs and kisses, but if we're sitting playing a game or watching TV, they will go sit on their Daddy's lap before choosing to sit with me. Tonight, though, I got some nice snuggle time in with both Jocelyn and Molly. At separate times, each of them just came and sat down close enough to me on the couch to be leaning on me. It was not overbearing cuddles, just enjoying each other's company. And for even this non-touchy-feely Momma, it brought a little extra warmth to my heart.

Visions of Sugar Plum Fairies

This afternoon I took Ava and Jocelyn to see the Nutcracker ballet. I cannot begin to aptly describe how excited I have been for this day. I love the Nutcracker - I don't remember a time when I didn't know all of the music, and I used to have the Mikhail Baryshnikov production memorized, I watched it so many times on the VHS we had. (Dating myself, I know) I only remember going once to a live Nutcracker show as a child, but I always hoped to make that a tradition with my daughters. I took Ava two years ago, but last year we somehow never found the time to go. I was determined to catch a performance this year, and was excited that Jocie is now old enough to enjoy going as well.

It was nothing short of magical. We sat down, and the girls were in awe of the auditorium. The lights began to go down, and their eyes grew huge as each dancer entered the stage. They sat quietly the entire time (well, Jocelyn got antsy the last 15 minutes or so) and clapped when everyone else did. We went to a performance in which two of our friends were dancing, so it was even more special for Ava and Jocie to see their "big friends" performing. When the final curtain went down, I looked at Ava and said, "So, what did you think?" She looked at me and simply said: "Best Nutcracker ever." I couldn't agree more. I feel so blessed to have had the chance to share this special holiday tradition with my two big girls. Before bed, Jocelyn told me she wished we could go to the ballet again and again. I am pretty sure they enjoyed our special afternoon (almost) as much as I did.

waiting for the ballet to begin

after the show with friends Casey, Emily, and Avery

'Round and 'Round

Today I drove 50 miles in a span of 4 hours. We went to celebrate our little friend Avery's 2nd birthday at her house. In the middle of the festivities Ava had dance practice, so I took her to the dance studio for an hour before heading back to the party. It was a lot of time in the car, dealing with crazy holiday-shopping drivers. But it was all worth it for the terrific time we had. Ava had another wonderful dance practice, and was so excited when she was finished. And at the party, there was good food and even better company. It has been a privilege watching Avery and Molly grow up together, and I treasure my friendship with her Momma greatly. Case in point: the other day I had mentioned I missed out on pumpkin pie this Thanksgiving (I just never got a piece) so of course I had been craving it since. This afternoon I arrived at the party to find Sharon had made an extra pumpkin pie just for me! A day full of fun was totally worth the miles added to the car.