I Will Rise

Today has been a wonderful yet very difficult day for me. We had a very full Easter Sunday, beginning with finding hidden Easter baskets and Mass, then spending the afternoon at our friends the Carlsons' house, and ending with a stopover at the Foleys' house. The girls had a wonderful day full of more sweets and treats than they knew what to do with. Ben and I enjoyed many great conversations with friends and watching our girls enjoy the day.

But I find myself ending my day as I have so many nights of late - scared, confused, in tears. I have always made a point to write in my entries one good thing that happened in my day, to remember that there is happiness in even the toughest of days. But I am now realizing that there are blessings in the struggles as well. Rather than brushing them aside and pretending they don't exist, I need to find the blessing in the suffering. Maybe that is the only way to get through it. Today at Mass I was reminded that no matter how hard life may seem on any given day, Jesus rose from the grave for me. It seems trite to just write it like that, and to be honest it doesn't exactly make me feel any better. But it is the truth, and I cling to that truth, knowing it will get me through this and every hardship. Father said in Mass that our faith lies in the empty tomb. I am not even sure I fully grasp this concept, but for some reason that message stuck with me today. I find myself praying harder than ever before, hoping desperately that God will grant me some much needed peace.

During the Eucharist this morning the choir sang the song I Will Rise by Chris Tomlin. I leave you tonight with the lyrics from this song. I have had it stuck in my head all day, and each time I sing it absent-mindedly I say a prayer that I can follow the song's message, put myself in Christ, and rise again.


Chris Tomlin's I Will Rise Lyrics

There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

And I hear the voice of many angels sing, 
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart, 
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the voice of many angels sing, 
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart, 
"Worthy is the Lamb"

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

Block Par-tay

This afternoon we had a "spring fling" on our street. A few of my neighbors thought it would be fun to get the kids out hunting eggs, playing sports, eating, dancing, and enjoying what was (finally!!) some beautiful weather. It was a blast. The girls had so much fun playing and running around with the other kids in our neighborhood. Ben and I got to catch up with our neighbors that we don't often see during the winter months when we are all keeping warm inside. Last night I went to my next door neighbor's house to help stuff eggs for the event. I was saying to them that when we chose to buy this house, it was not because it was the prettiest. There were one or two others that we looked at that had been updated or remodeled. Our house had the original MAUVE bathrooms and a kitchen straight out of the 80s. But I can live with the less than picture perfect house for the community we have gained living here. I can't think of a more perfect place to raise my daughters, and can't wait for many more block parties to come.

the group (minus a few, believe it or not!) pre-egg hunt

my little bunnies

this is the only picture in which she actually looked at me

Jocelyn bowling in our driveway

I just wanted to get a picture of Ava in her ears... I fear for our future :P

dancin' in the street

here is a bit of the dance party - it was entertaining to say the least!

Good Friday Musings

Today is Good Friday, and as I did last year I took Ava and Jocelyn to the Living Stations of the Cross at our parish. It was another moving depiction of the Passion portrayed by a few of the high school youth of the church. It moves me every time I see teenagers who, like I did so many years ago, are able to embody this story with such conviction.

I had a few realizations this afternoon as I was reflection on the crucifixion and death of my Savior. I was thinking a lot about my own trials and sufferings of late. I came to the conclusion that I keep expecting God to say, "Okay, you've suffered enough, now I'm going to make your life great again." That this Holy Week was my week of penance, and if I prayed and obeyed God in the right way my week of suffering would end. But for as bad as my issues seem to me, they are nothing compared to the fate Jesus faced. How those minutes must have seemed like days hanging on that cross. How many times Jesus must have thought, Haven't I suffered long enough? Can't this be finished already? In the end Christ's mission was complete when God chose, not when Jesus chose. Who am I to think that I should be treated any differently? I often struggle when I am given a "cross" to bear. I do all I can to live my life and raise my family in a way that is good and right in the eyes of society and God. For some reason I feel that entitles me to a life with few or no bumps in the road. Today I remembered that I can be the best person I possibly can be, and I am still not entitled to anything. Every piece of my life is a GIFT from God. I deserve nothing; I am owed nothing. Rather than whining and complaining about how unfair it is that my life is not working out the way I think it should, I need to work on using this opportunity to get closer to God, to really listen to what he is trying to teach me. I am human, and as such am weak and will stumble often. But today renewed my spirit and gave me a fresh perspective on where I thought I was in my faith and where in fact I need to be. None of this makes the journey any easier. I am just as stressed as I was yesterday and the days before. But I will do my best to lift all this up as an offering, and pray each day for a better understanding of my relationship with the God who sacrificed everything, even his Son's life, so that I may know him more closely.

Power of Prayer

The past 24 hours have been very hard for me emotionally. The reasons are not important, but I have been struggling greatly. I am a firm believer in the power of prayer, and when my own prayers did not seem to be doing enough I reached out to the world through Facebook. I am a very guarded person and do not like showing my vulnerabilities, but late last night I asked for prayers to lift me up and help me to cope in a better and more trusting way. As of now, I have had 14 people comment on my post saying they are praying for me and over 50 people "like" my post which I take as support as well. That doesn't even include all the people who read my post and did not post anything but sent up a quick prayer for me anyway. How do I know this? Because after starting off my day barely able to get through 5 minutes without bursting into tears, tonight I am back on my feet walking my path. I am walking slowly and not sure where the path is leading me, but thanks to the prayers of so many loving family and friends I know God is lifting me up and guiding me. Every conversation, text, and message of support meant the world to me today. I am blessed beyond words, and I know that with the help of God and my loved ones I will get to the other side of this tough time and be stronger in the end.

Midday Snuggles

I was in the kitchen after lunch cleaning up leftover napkins, silverware, whatever. It was almost time to take Molly upstairs for quiet time, so I poked my head into the living room to check on her and possibly warn her that her time was nearly up. I quickly popped back into the kitchen, grabbed my camera, and captured this:

I cannot begin to express the joy that swelled in me at this moment. This is why we have these children. This is why we tolerate the tantrums, separate the arguments, breathe through the bad days. Because as much as these two can be at each other's throats on any given day, at the core they are sisters and friends, and love each other as such. This image will stay with me for a long time, for its sweet and pure expression of love.

Late Night Diner Time

This afternoon we thought we were going to get a new van. Turned out we instead spend about 2 1/2 hours looking, test driving, and talking through possibly purchasing a car that is not yet ready to drive off of the lot. I had told the girls from the beginning that they had to be on their best behavior, and if they were good we would go to Family Fun Night at the Silver Diner when we were finished at the dealership.

We didn't leave said dealership until almost 7:15pm. So it was a very late dinner for all of us. Fortunately, getting there so late meant that most of the Family Fun Night crowd had thinned out. We got a table right next to the face painting and balloon people, so the girls found plenty of entertainment in between waiting for beverages and food. They had their rough moments, but overall they were so good and patient with us. I was glad we could end our day on a high note by sharing some food and fun together.

Molly got her arm painted, and was obsessed with it the rest of the night. She almost couldn't eat she was so distracted by her "pretty butterfly"

Reunited

... and it feels pretty amazing :)

Swinging Door

Today was another one of hellos and good-byes. We started off by taking my mom to the airport and saying we'll see you soon. Then it was a very LONG day awaiting the return of Ben. He has been gone for a month now at a school for the Navy Reserves. We have all had our good days and bad days handling the time apart. It is the longest Ben has been away from home since he left the Navy, and really since he left sea duty almost 3 1/2 years ago. Today they all were so ready for him to come home. Finally, just after 7pm, we heard his car pull up the driveway. Jocie and Molly didn't even let him get in the front door before attacking him, and I think the girls would have velcro-ed themselves to their Daddy if it was at all possible. It is good to have him home - we've missed him and can't wait to catch up and get back to life with him under the same roof.

To pass some of the time this afternoon, the girls decorated a welcome home sign for Ben

the finished product, hung up for Daddy to see when he walked in the door

One Last Girls' Day

Today is my mom's last full day with us. So we made the most of it: I found Easter dresses for the girls while my mom got each of them new shirts; we attempted (and mostly failed) to get a little shopping done for me; and we capped the day off with treats from Dairy Queen. It has been a great visit. I wish we could see my mom more often than we do, but I treasure the time we share all the more because it is so scarce. Til next time, Grandma. We love you so much and miss you already.

Molly making her cold face after eating her ice cream

the girls (in their new shirts) with Grandma

Steps Forward

I start tonight's entry with some back story... My brother Kevin and I have never been especially close. I went off to college when he was 12 and entering that lovely stage of teenage-boy-non-verbal-communication. While I still called and tried to keep in touch, it became easier to save catching up for when we were face-to-face. Then I graduated, moved away, and we continued to grow apart. I am not happy with the way things have worked out, but I've accepted where we're at.

Tonight, Kevin called me... just because. Well, maybe he called partly to talk to my mom who is still visiting us. But any other time I would have answered the phone, he would have asked if Mom was here, I would say yes, and he would ask me to pass the phone to her. Done. Tonight, he asked how I was... and we talked for a good 20 minutes or so. And not about anything important - how he is settling in, how my girls are doing, that kind of thing. He did eventually chat with my mom, but only after we had said all we were going to say. I will be totally and brutally honest - I was pretty weirded out after our conversation. I mean, I don't think we have had a real conversation like that EVER. But it is a nice step toward building a better relationship, and I am very glad to be getting the chance to re-build with my brother.

Me(ish) Time

This morning we attempted to do a little shopping for me. Crazy, you say? Maybe, but my mom has wanted to take me out since she got here to do a little post-birthday shopping. So we dropped off Ava at school and headed down to the outlets. I found a hoodie I really liked but struck out on jeans. Just as we were walking into the second store and my eyes were catching all kinds of fun things to try on, my phone rang.

It was the school. Ava was in the nurse's station with a fever. A horribly selfish part of me started thinking of someone I could call to pick Ava up until I was done with my shopping. But good sense (and lack of options) made me realize that a new hoodie would be it for me today. What was nice was that I did not lookat a single thing to buy my kids. At this point in my life I will embrace a bit of time to put myself first. Even though it was cut short, my me-time was long overdue and greatly enjoyed.

Extra Help

My children are not horribly messy kids in general. However our lives get so busy that what starts as one or two small messes in their bedroom escalates to tornado-strewn status quickly. Tonight was one of those nights when we reclaimed the room and picked up all the toys, clothes, and whatever else had found a home on their bedroom's floor.

I will be totally honest: I was dreading this cleaning as much if not more than my kids. Between dealing with the mess itself and the whiny children who do not want to clean it, this is a less than thrilling activity. However, either fate was on my side or Grandma used some of her magic, because not only did the room get cleaned but the girls were happy and we were done in record time. My dreading the evening's task was needless worry - not only did the work get done, we 5 ladies had a great time together in the process.

My Sunshine

This weekis Parent Week at the girls' dance studio, when we moms and dads get all the info on the recital and the kids get to try on and take home their costumes. Jocelyn has been waiting for this day for what has seemed like an eternity - this being her first recital she is more than a little excited to get her own pretty costume and do a dance onstage. It makes me so happy to see the glee and pride in Jocie's face as she gets her turn in the spotlight. She is truly my little sunshine, and she lights up the entire room with her beautiful smile.

A Good Day

I almost put off writing today's post, because I couldn't think of a cute story or memorable moment to share. But the more I thought about it, I realized that today's blessing was just that it was a nice day. My kids behaved themselves, I had another nice day visiting with my mom, and I was able to get several chores and errands done. Not every day has a standout moment, but even the "dull" days are blessings in themselves. I am thankful for all this day was, and am excited to see what tomorrow will bring.

Biggest Fans

Today marked our second dance competition of the year. It went well, as usual - Ava improved on both her routines and had a great time. My favorite part of the day? Sitting with my other daughters watching Ava onstage. No one cheered louder or was more excited for Ava than Jocelyn and Molly. Jocie screamed and whooped her little head off and Molly clapped like a maniac. They were so proud of their big sister, and I was so proud of how supportive and loving my children are. I can't wait until the younger ones get their turn to be in the spotlight and Ava can return the favor of being their loudest cheerleader and biggest fan.

Little Stitches

This morning I came downstairs to find Ava learning to cross stitch with my mom. Of course when Jocelyn and Molly saw Ava doing something new and interesting they wanted to try too. Fortunately my mom had brought several plastic needles and squares to stitch on. Within minutes all three of my children were sitting quietly on the couch "stitching" (or trying to). I went to get my camera to take a picture only to find the batteries had died (of course). But it was a very sweet scene to behold, and one I will not soon forget.

Here is a picture I took a few days later. It's always better to have a visual :)

Movie Night Made Over

Tonight there was a movie night at Ava's school. I am not sure what exactly it included, but it was a social function and therefore Ava didn't want to miss it. I, on the other hand, was not feeling going back to the school to watch a movie we already own and have watched many times (they were showing Peter Pan). So I offered my best deal: we would instead watch a movie at our house of Ava's choosing, and I would serve popcorn to start and freshly made brownies midway through. There was of course some pouting in the beginning, but in the end we all sat and feasted on our treats while watching Meet the Robinsons. It had the potential to be a lousy night for everyone, but we managed to salvage it and share a quiet yet still fun Friday night.

To Our House Grandmother Comes

Today my mom arrived for a little visit. To say I was excited is a MAJOR understatement. And my joy was apparently contagious - as I got Molly and Jocie ready to load into the car, I said, "Are you ready to get Grandma?" The girls began sqealing and dancing and jumping gleefully. In just half a day my mom has already built cities with magnetic blocks, shared and listened to sharing during a mini school session, played Go Fish, and read who-knows-how many books. Oh, and listened to me babble to her about anything and everythng. Yes, it is good tp have Grandma and Mom here. She has brought a new spirit and energy into our house. I know this visit will pass far too quickly, so I will try to appreciate and savor all the time we get to share in the days to come.

Habemus Papam

Today a new pope was selected by the cardinals of the Catholic Church. If ever there was a doubt of a higher being... I never watch television during the day. Ever. But this afternoon Molly went down for her nap a little late, and by the time I had settled Jocie into quiet time it was nearly 2pm. So I decided to indulge myself for 15 minutes with some good ol' General Hospital. Less than 5 minutes in the news crew broke in with the news that that the Conclave had sent white smoke billowing out announcing a new pope had been chosen. It was truly by the grace of God that I happened to have the television on a non-children's network during daytime hours.

I spent the next hour and a half watching this incredible event. I did not get to see the last pope announcement 8 years ago - I was in college and actually in class when Pope Benedict emerged for the first time from behind the curtain. I was blown away by all the people from all over the globe who traveled to Rome just to be a part of this historical event. I loved the sense of sacred tradition - that in a world with Twitter and Facebook no one had any idea who would be announced until that very moment. I was especially moved by the thought of how special it is that even though I am so far removed from all that happened in Rome today, my prayers were joined with the prayers of MILLIONS of people from all over the globe to support and lift up a man who hours ago we did not even know existed. It was a special day for my Church and myself, and a day I will not soon forget. May God bless Pope Francis, today and always.

From the Other Side

Today I watched our friends Isaac and Avery while Momma Sharon was discharged from the hospital with new baby sister Ellie (a perfect blessing in her own right). For some reason I found myself on more than one occasion looking at these wonderful children and appreciating all that my own parents put up with all those years ago. And I'm not talking about misbehaving or getting into trouble. Just before lunch I turned on a movie for the kids. Or at least I tried to - seems my blu-ray player needs a software update, so the movie was running a little slow. Each time it would freeze or slow down, the 2 four-year-olds started their own commentary: "What's happening?" "The movie is thinking again." "Yeah, sometimes the movie has to stop and think. Is it ready yet?" "No it needs to think some more." And on and on until the movie actually would start back up. Then there was the fact that all of these children had CLEARLY seen this movie (Cars) approximately 826 times before today as they could recite almost every word (and were doing so of course), and yet any time there was drama or action the kids would react like it was the first time they had seen it: "OH NO, the cars crashed!!" "Go Lightening McQueen, GO!!!" Then I wasn't sure when the kids were getting picked up, so instead of risking interrupted naps I just tried to have everyone do some quiet time with a different movie (I couldn't handle the malfunctioning blu-ray any longer). The 2 two-year-olds were SO exhausted but were doing that manic moving around to keep from lying still for even a minute, lest they give in and actually - gasp! - fall asleep. It was almost painful to watch them, and impossible to sit near them - the nervous energy was more than I could handle. I kept thinking to myself that I remember doing so many of these things when I was a child. I am grateful that my parents were understanding and loving, and taught me to be so as well. Kids will be kids, and I can either let them wear away at my sanity or love them for who they are and laugh the madness away. I try to do the latter as I did today, and hold on to my sanity for just a bit longer.

Sweet Nothings

All kids come up with their own cute ways of saying things as their speech develops. Some of Molly's recent developments are:

- when we play around making suggestions of silly things, instead of saying "how about" it come out sounding like "how blout..."
- if I ask her if she needs my help (especially at mealtime) and she wants to do it herself, she says "my help!"
- when I ask Molly if she needs her diaper changed, her response is "I mean... no (or yes)"

Listening to Molly develop her vocabulary is both fascinating and entertaining. I lopk forward to each new day and the unpredictable things my child has in store.

Fun Day with Friends

My daughters and I get along about 98% of the time. But after a snow day mid-week and a pretty quiet day yesterday... well, we are just pretty sick of each other. Where absence makes the heart grow fonder, being around each other constantly makes the nerves wear thin. So it worked out well that the second half of our day was spent at other people's houses. After lunch we headed to Stafford for another unoffcial dance practice with Victoria, Veronica, and Riley at the big girls' house. Then we migrated to Riley's house for dinner and more playtime. As soon as we entered a house my children vanished to play with their friends, leaving me to relax and talk with the grown ups. We all appreciated the change of scenery and spending the afternoon with friends. And the best part: everyone was sufficiently worn out and fell asleep with no problems at the end of the day. A true sign of a successful day.

Girls Night

Today was overall a good day. The only hiccup was that we didn't do much - we spent most of the day at home - so by this evening the girls were antsy to say the least. We managed to make it through dinner and decided to make it another Magical World of Disney movie night. We sat, ate some white chocolate-covered pretzels, and enjoyed some Mulan. Toward the end Ava was looking pretty tired. I suggested she head up tp bed. She looked at me and said, "Well... no, we're having family time. I don't want to miss it." I was in total agreement. A girls' night may have a very different meaning these days, but I can truthfully say I wouldn't have it any other way.

Donuts with (Substitute) Dad

This morning Jocelyn had her Donuts with Dad morning at preschool. Since the school isn't in session in June they have this special morning in March when the dads go in to have donuts and drinks with the kids and the kids get to share special gifts they made. Since Ben couldn't make it this morning, we had thought to invite Jocie's adopted grandfather Mr. Chris. Unfortunately he was unavailableas well, but Miss Katy stepped up to be Jocelyn's special guest. Jocie was so excited this morning. She of course missed her Daddy, but was glad to have a special person to show off her school to. Thank you Katy for making Jocie's morning as perfect as it could be without her Daddy there.

Neighbor in Shining Armor

This afternoon I received a great gift from my neighbor. While I picked up her son from school, I dropped off my kids along with him at their house... and then went to Target. Alone. I was able to shop for an entire 45 minutes without hearing a child complain of being bored or hungry or having to go to the bathroom. I hadn't had time to make a list, and yet I was still able to remember everything I needed to pick up. Then I went back to my neighbors' house and we all ate dinner together. The kids got along (mostly) and we adults got to sit and talk. Rachel takes Ava to school three mornings a week, but while I leave Ava off there so often we rarely have time to just talk. I was very grateful that she offered to watch my girls just long enough for me to get a mini break, and that we got to catch up. She is a great help to me with carpooling, but as much as I appreciate her help I treasure her friendship even more.

A Not-Snow-But-Slush Day

Today we were supposed to get snow. Every weather person I listened to said to expect anywhere from six inches to a foot of accumulation. By the time we woke up this morning the school district had called for a snow day, so we took our time getting up and were all set to enjoy some good snow.

To be fair, we did have a decent amount of snow fall from the sky. But for whatever reason the temperatures didn't drop as they were predicted to, so once the snow fell it quickly turned to mush. There was no playing in it, for it was more muddy than snowy. Nonetheless, we all thoroughly enjoyed our mid-week break. I got plenty of housework done, the girls played with their toys, then begged out with the tv for a bit, then played some more. It was a relaxing yet productive day. I was glad to have the forced day at home for all of us to get some extra recharging after a crazy weekend. It may not have been the snow day we were hoping for, but it was a pretty great day anyway.

The Peacemaker

Today was one of those really rough days. Jocelyn had her well-child check up which included four immunizations. I didn't have time to shower before leaving the house so I felt not-quite-right. And both Jocie and Molly were acting up more than usual. By quiet time I literally put the two of them in front of a movie and came upstairs to try and re-gather myself. It worked a little, but after over two hours at the dance studio I once again found myself in the car with very unhappy children.

They all wanted to listen to music; the problem was they couldn't agree on what kind of music. Jocelyn wanted to listen to the Fresh Beat Band, Molly and Ava wanted the Backstreet Boys. Then the choices would change but there was still no agreement. I told them we just wouldn't listen to anything and went about my driving. Ava, however, wouldn't give up so easily. She spent most of the car ride home trying to come up with a solution everyone could agree on. She got frustrated once or twice but didn't give up. Finally, about five minutes from home all three were able to agree on the Fresh Beat Band, so we listened to a couple songs before getting out of the car.

I was so impressed with Ava's ability to not give up and keep working toward a solution to their problem. I figured I could learn a thing or two from her and follow her lead. After a long and tense day my daughters and I had a picnic dinner of pizza and pears in the living room. Everyone was content and peaceful the rest of the evening - there were no more tears or nasty words to be heard. I told Ava this evening how proud I was that she kept working to solve their problem, even when I had given up trying. It was not an easy process, but Ava reminded me tonight that the day is not over until we are all in bed asleep, and I have to keep working until the very end to make it the best day I possibly can.

Daddy's Girls

Ben has been gone training with the Navy for a little over a week now. It is the longest he has been gone in a very long time. Having my dad in town the last few days has been a nice distraction, but the last day or so it became clear that even Papa cannot take Daddy's place. Tonight we skyped with Ben for the first time since he's been gone. The girls could not get enough time talking to their Daddy, telling him about all the fun stuff they have been doing, what they might do soon, really anything at all to keep talking. When Molly got her turn, she lit up when she saw her Daddy on the screen, then buried her head in my chest and said, "I miss my Daddy." Bedtime was a little harder tonight, with my daughters a little more down than usual. I took the opportunity to talk to the girls about it being okay to miss Daddy, but at least we can talk to him on the phone and computer, and he will be back soon. It's not easy, but will be good practice for future times when Ben has to be gone. As tough as it is to see my girls so sad, I love that they are all so close to their Daddy, that they miss him like crazy and can't wait for him to come back home.

McDonald's Magic

This evening we wrapped up our first competition weekend. Ava performed in a ballet production, an over-the-top Disney extravaganza including between 35 and 40 of our studio's dancers. The dance went great, but we realized very quickly that while the competition had run very smoothly and on time the day before, they were way behind schedule today. Awards had been scheduled to begin at 5:30pm, and my original plan had been to stay at least long enough for Ava to find out how the production had done before heading out to dinner. Before I knew it, however, it was 6:45 and the awards had not even begun. So I made the highly unpopular decision to head home at that point. Ava was in tears, and even Jocelyn was complaining, "But they're still dancing, Momma!"

It was clear that nothing short of a trip to the Golden Arches would salvage my place in my daughters' good graces. At the suggestion of my dad, we went inside (a rare treat for my kids). The girls each got a Happy Meal with a Barbie toy inside. All bad feelings were forgotten. We had a slightly spastic but overall nice dinner. It was a good way to end a crazy but fun weekend.

Ava's costume for the ballet production "Disney Dreams"

the Disney Dreams dancers

enjoying some chocolate milk

trying to sit still after a day of watching dance is hard!

a no-longer-depressed Ava

Dance On

Today was the first day of our dance competition season. We started off slow - Ava only had one dance to perform, her quartet. I don't remember if I've ever described this dance. Ava is dancing with another girl her age and two of the older girls to the Taylor Swift song "Never Grow Up." it is such a sweet dance showing the special relationship between these older and younger girls. It will never get top marks for difficulty or technique, and today being their first performance on stage it was pretty rough around the edges, but the emotion was there, and I enjoyed every second of watching my daughter glow on stage.

Just as the day was fun and exciting, it was also bittersweet. Today marked our first competition without Everett Allan, the younger brother of Ava's friend Molly who passed away last November. We were all very aware of the missing wheelchair at the back of the auditorium. This competition, however, is a very special one. It is called the Power of Dance, and each dance studio chooses an organization to raise money for through their dancing. Every winner earns money for their chosen charity. Our studio chose to raise money for research for the disorder Ev died from. The Allan's made angel pins for all of us to wear, and the girls were all very aware that they were not just dancing for the audience in the auditorium, but their special angel cheerleader.

The best part of the day came first when Everett's sisters Natalie and Molly danced a duet in Ev's memory. It was phenomenal - they danced it beautifully without faltering once. As for those of us watching, I don't think there was a dry eye in the house. Later on during the award ceremony Natalie and Molly were recognized for having the most moving dance of the day. The director of the competition brought the girls center stage, and had our studio's director come up as well. He presented the studio with a special trophy - it had a flame on top, and was called an eternal flame trophy for us to always remember Everett. In addition they gave our studio a scholarship in Everett's name. It was so beyond special - we all held Ev so close to our hearts, but to have this competiton recognize him in such a special way was remarkable. It was an amazing kickoff to our dance season. Through heavy hearts these girls danced on. We still miss Everett but continue to live our lives each day and celebrate the impact he had on our dance family.

Molly sporting our memorial ribbons for Everett

Ava getting her hair did

the cutest little quartet ever :)

what more fun could you have at a dance competition than collecting sequins on the floor?

the awards ceremony, holding our studio's poster

the dancers after awards

Another Day, Another Decade

Today I celebrate my 30th birthday. For each of my children's birthdays I always write about who they are at that point in their life. So going off of that, I thought I would just write about my day as a reminder of what a typical day for me at this stage of my life is like.

*I woke up this morning at 7:15am. I got to "sleep in" because all three girls slept that late. On the same day. By the time I had to go get Molly out of her crib I felt like a million bucks. It's amazing what an extra 30 minutes of sleep will do.

*Ava remembered it was my birthday, and gave me a huge hug and wished me a happy birthday without any prompting - a first for my kids.

*When the other two heard it was my birthday, Jocie asked where I was going for my party. I said I wasn't having a party. Then Molly asked where my presents were. I said I didn't have any presents. I think after that they didn't really believe it was my birthday, since I was missing such vital components to my day.

*Ava had sports day at school and therefore opted to wear her A&M jersey. I was a proud Momma to see her so excited about sporting her Aggie attire; she was excited I let her wear the jersey like a dress with only leggings underneath.

*I took the time to get a long shower. It was long enough that I ran out of hot water - not something I was happy about, but I was still clean and shaven when all was said and done.

*I got to help a nearly frantic Jocelyn get to the bathroom on time. She walked into my room with a panicked look on her face: "Mommy, my poop is almost coming out!!"

*Molly REALLY did not want to nap this afternoon, spending a solid hour and a half yelling in her bed anything from random songs to the occasional "I no wanna go to sleep!!" You know, in case I hadn't figured it out. (She finally slept for a bit, thank goodness.)

*Ava had dance tonight, so we waited until after that to go out. Jocie and Molly had dinner earlier and just got dessert at Ruby Tuesday's, while Ava, my dad and I ate some dinner. Little did I know I would get a circus show as well. Jocie ate a bowl and a half of ice cream, and still tried to poach some of my cupcake I received for my birthday. Molly ate ice cream as well, although she of course interrupted her ice cream consumption to have a plate of broccoli. We certainly livened up the place while we were there.

*As I out the girls to bed, Ava gave me a flower she has had attached to her bed, saying if she didn't get to buy me something she would give me something instead.

*Throughout the day I received numerous phone calls, Facebook messages, and face-to-face well wishes from family and friends. These are the best gifts of all to me. I am not a big birthday celebrator - I don't care for big to dos or lavish gifts. To know I am being thought of in a special way today by so many people is the greatest gift. I am blessed in so many ways, and I know this will be the start of a new and fantastic decade. I have had an incredible 30 years, and I cannot wait to see what the next 30 years have in store for me.