Good Friday Musings

Today is Good Friday, and as I did last year I took Ava and Jocelyn to the Living Stations of the Cross at our parish. It was another moving depiction of the Passion portrayed by a few of the high school youth of the church. It moves me every time I see teenagers who, like I did so many years ago, are able to embody this story with such conviction.

I had a few realizations this afternoon as I was reflection on the crucifixion and death of my Savior. I was thinking a lot about my own trials and sufferings of late. I came to the conclusion that I keep expecting God to say, "Okay, you've suffered enough, now I'm going to make your life great again." That this Holy Week was my week of penance, and if I prayed and obeyed God in the right way my week of suffering would end. But for as bad as my issues seem to me, they are nothing compared to the fate Jesus faced. How those minutes must have seemed like days hanging on that cross. How many times Jesus must have thought, Haven't I suffered long enough? Can't this be finished already? In the end Christ's mission was complete when God chose, not when Jesus chose. Who am I to think that I should be treated any differently? I often struggle when I am given a "cross" to bear. I do all I can to live my life and raise my family in a way that is good and right in the eyes of society and God. For some reason I feel that entitles me to a life with few or no bumps in the road. Today I remembered that I can be the best person I possibly can be, and I am still not entitled to anything. Every piece of my life is a GIFT from God. I deserve nothing; I am owed nothing. Rather than whining and complaining about how unfair it is that my life is not working out the way I think it should, I need to work on using this opportunity to get closer to God, to really listen to what he is trying to teach me. I am human, and as such am weak and will stumble often. But today renewed my spirit and gave me a fresh perspective on where I thought I was in my faith and where in fact I need to be. None of this makes the journey any easier. I am just as stressed as I was yesterday and the days before. But I will do my best to lift all this up as an offering, and pray each day for a better understanding of my relationship with the God who sacrificed everything, even his Son's life, so that I may know him more closely.