Today is Ben's and my wedding anniversary. It kicks off a month full of celebrating Ben - first this, then Father's Day, then his birthday at the end of the month. For the last few years we haven't given each other gifts, but just gone out on a date and spent some time together. A couple of days ago we were talking about doing the same thing this year: "You didn't get me anything right? We're not doing anniversary gifts?"
This evening when I came home from the dance studio with the kids, there were roses sitting on the table waiting for me. Let me start by saying I am NOT a flower person. I am disgustingly practical and think it's a waste of money to buy something that is going to die in a matter of days. But all three girls oohed and aahed at the pretty flowers, and I conceded that it was a sweet gesture. After the girls went to bed, Ben took out a few chocolate bars and candies he had bought me as well.
At this point I failed at life: I got annoyed with my husband. I said, "Remember how we said we weren't getting each other anything? This is something!" (Or something to that effect.) The bottom line was, I felt guilty that I hadn't felt so compelled to buy something for him that I looked like a jerk while he was going above and beyond to show how much he loved me. He was hurt and felt I wasn't grateful.
He was right. As the evening went on and I got my head out of my rear end, I realized I had missed my opportunity to just be appreciative. So what if I hadn't gotten Ben anything also? Yes it would have been nice, but not once did Ben act disappointed that he hadn't received any gifts. He had wanted to do something small to show his love for me, and rather than accept that gracefully I was selfish and thought of how it made me look bad.
Marriage is a never ending, ever evolving journey. My most vivid memory of our wedding day was moments before I was to walk down the aisle. My maid of honor, Sarah, was standing in front of me. She turned around to look at me and simply said, "You're really getting married!" before walking down the aisle herself. I remember feeling a physical jolt go through me, like the reality of that statement hadn't hit me until that very second. Then the reaction to that jolt: absolute calm. I had never been more sure of any choice I had made in my life, before or since. I am eternally blessed to share my life's journey with Ben, who loves me wholly and unconditionally, in my good moments and in moments like tonight when I am not at my finest. There have been many moments of growth and learning like tonight in our marriage, and I think we have always handled such moments with love and understanding. It has been an amazing eight years, and I pray God blesses us with many more to come.
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