I Will Rise

Today has been a wonderful yet very difficult day for me. We had a very full Easter Sunday, beginning with finding hidden Easter baskets and Mass, then spending the afternoon at our friends the Carlsons' house, and ending with a stopover at the Foleys' house. The girls had a wonderful day full of more sweets and treats than they knew what to do with. Ben and I enjoyed many great conversations with friends and watching our girls enjoy the day.

But I find myself ending my day as I have so many nights of late - scared, confused, in tears. I have always made a point to write in my entries one good thing that happened in my day, to remember that there is happiness in even the toughest of days. But I am now realizing that there are blessings in the struggles as well. Rather than brushing them aside and pretending they don't exist, I need to find the blessing in the suffering. Maybe that is the only way to get through it. Today at Mass I was reminded that no matter how hard life may seem on any given day, Jesus rose from the grave for me. It seems trite to just write it like that, and to be honest it doesn't exactly make me feel any better. But it is the truth, and I cling to that truth, knowing it will get me through this and every hardship. Father said in Mass that our faith lies in the empty tomb. I am not even sure I fully grasp this concept, but for some reason that message stuck with me today. I find myself praying harder than ever before, hoping desperately that God will grant me some much needed peace.

During the Eucharist this morning the choir sang the song I Will Rise by Chris Tomlin. I leave you tonight with the lyrics from this song. I have had it stuck in my head all day, and each time I sing it absent-mindedly I say a prayer that I can follow the song's message, put myself in Christ, and rise again.


Chris Tomlin's I Will Rise Lyrics

There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

And I hear the voice of many angels sing, 
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart, 
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the voice of many angels sing, 
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart, 
"Worthy is the Lamb"

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

Block Par-tay

This afternoon we had a "spring fling" on our street. A few of my neighbors thought it would be fun to get the kids out hunting eggs, playing sports, eating, dancing, and enjoying what was (finally!!) some beautiful weather. It was a blast. The girls had so much fun playing and running around with the other kids in our neighborhood. Ben and I got to catch up with our neighbors that we don't often see during the winter months when we are all keeping warm inside. Last night I went to my next door neighbor's house to help stuff eggs for the event. I was saying to them that when we chose to buy this house, it was not because it was the prettiest. There were one or two others that we looked at that had been updated or remodeled. Our house had the original MAUVE bathrooms and a kitchen straight out of the 80s. But I can live with the less than picture perfect house for the community we have gained living here. I can't think of a more perfect place to raise my daughters, and can't wait for many more block parties to come.

the group (minus a few, believe it or not!) pre-egg hunt

my little bunnies

this is the only picture in which she actually looked at me

Jocelyn bowling in our driveway

I just wanted to get a picture of Ava in her ears... I fear for our future :P

dancin' in the street

here is a bit of the dance party - it was entertaining to say the least!

Good Friday Musings

Today is Good Friday, and as I did last year I took Ava and Jocelyn to the Living Stations of the Cross at our parish. It was another moving depiction of the Passion portrayed by a few of the high school youth of the church. It moves me every time I see teenagers who, like I did so many years ago, are able to embody this story with such conviction.

I had a few realizations this afternoon as I was reflection on the crucifixion and death of my Savior. I was thinking a lot about my own trials and sufferings of late. I came to the conclusion that I keep expecting God to say, "Okay, you've suffered enough, now I'm going to make your life great again." That this Holy Week was my week of penance, and if I prayed and obeyed God in the right way my week of suffering would end. But for as bad as my issues seem to me, they are nothing compared to the fate Jesus faced. How those minutes must have seemed like days hanging on that cross. How many times Jesus must have thought, Haven't I suffered long enough? Can't this be finished already? In the end Christ's mission was complete when God chose, not when Jesus chose. Who am I to think that I should be treated any differently? I often struggle when I am given a "cross" to bear. I do all I can to live my life and raise my family in a way that is good and right in the eyes of society and God. For some reason I feel that entitles me to a life with few or no bumps in the road. Today I remembered that I can be the best person I possibly can be, and I am still not entitled to anything. Every piece of my life is a GIFT from God. I deserve nothing; I am owed nothing. Rather than whining and complaining about how unfair it is that my life is not working out the way I think it should, I need to work on using this opportunity to get closer to God, to really listen to what he is trying to teach me. I am human, and as such am weak and will stumble often. But today renewed my spirit and gave me a fresh perspective on where I thought I was in my faith and where in fact I need to be. None of this makes the journey any easier. I am just as stressed as I was yesterday and the days before. But I will do my best to lift all this up as an offering, and pray each day for a better understanding of my relationship with the God who sacrificed everything, even his Son's life, so that I may know him more closely.

Power of Prayer

The past 24 hours have been very hard for me emotionally. The reasons are not important, but I have been struggling greatly. I am a firm believer in the power of prayer, and when my own prayers did not seem to be doing enough I reached out to the world through Facebook. I am a very guarded person and do not like showing my vulnerabilities, but late last night I asked for prayers to lift me up and help me to cope in a better and more trusting way. As of now, I have had 14 people comment on my post saying they are praying for me and over 50 people "like" my post which I take as support as well. That doesn't even include all the people who read my post and did not post anything but sent up a quick prayer for me anyway. How do I know this? Because after starting off my day barely able to get through 5 minutes without bursting into tears, tonight I am back on my feet walking my path. I am walking slowly and not sure where the path is leading me, but thanks to the prayers of so many loving family and friends I know God is lifting me up and guiding me. Every conversation, text, and message of support meant the world to me today. I am blessed beyond words, and I know that with the help of God and my loved ones I will get to the other side of this tough time and be stronger in the end.

Midday Snuggles

I was in the kitchen after lunch cleaning up leftover napkins, silverware, whatever. It was almost time to take Molly upstairs for quiet time, so I poked my head into the living room to check on her and possibly warn her that her time was nearly up. I quickly popped back into the kitchen, grabbed my camera, and captured this:

I cannot begin to express the joy that swelled in me at this moment. This is why we have these children. This is why we tolerate the tantrums, separate the arguments, breathe through the bad days. Because as much as these two can be at each other's throats on any given day, at the core they are sisters and friends, and love each other as such. This image will stay with me for a long time, for its sweet and pure expression of love.

Late Night Diner Time

This afternoon we thought we were going to get a new van. Turned out we instead spend about 2 1/2 hours looking, test driving, and talking through possibly purchasing a car that is not yet ready to drive off of the lot. I had told the girls from the beginning that they had to be on their best behavior, and if they were good we would go to Family Fun Night at the Silver Diner when we were finished at the dealership.

We didn't leave said dealership until almost 7:15pm. So it was a very late dinner for all of us. Fortunately, getting there so late meant that most of the Family Fun Night crowd had thinned out. We got a table right next to the face painting and balloon people, so the girls found plenty of entertainment in between waiting for beverages and food. They had their rough moments, but overall they were so good and patient with us. I was glad we could end our day on a high note by sharing some food and fun together.

Molly got her arm painted, and was obsessed with it the rest of the night. She almost couldn't eat she was so distracted by her "pretty butterfly"

Reunited

... and it feels pretty amazing :)